Bariatric Girl

Are you part of the solution or part of the problem?

2011-05-29T12:38:00.000-07:00

Are you part of the solution or part of the problem?

I wrote a blog post called “are you an anchor or a motor” last year and it bears repeating. I hope you’ll read it again or maybe even read it for the very first time.

You know those people that are so quick to jump on everything in an instant?? 0-60 in seconds? They tell you “But you’re not doing it right!” Control with a capital "C".

If you haven’t seen “Addicted to Food” on the OWN channel I would suggest you view it as soon as possible. Tennie McCarty is brilliant and I love how she talks about dealing with the BIG C. (control) We all need to learn to let go. Have we forgotten some of the simple things? Assume = makes an a$$ out of you and me. When you are pointing at someone = three fingers are pointing back at you. I love this next section by Jack Canfield.

*Are there people in your life who only have to walk into the room and totally drain you of energy? I refer to these people as psychic vampires. They literally suck the life energy right out of you. Stop spending time with them.

Are there people in your life who are always complaining and blaming others for their circumstances? Are these people always judging others, spreading negative gossip, and talking about how bad it is? Stop spending time with them as well.

Are there people in your life who, simply by calling you on the telephone can bring tension, stress, and disorder to your day? Are these dream stealers who tell you that your dreams are impossible and try to dissuade you from believing in and pursuing your goal? Do you have friends who constantly attempt to bring you back down to their level? If so, then it is time for some new friends.

You’re better spending time alone than spending time with people who hold you back with their victim mentality and their mediocre standards.

Make a conscious effort to surround yourself with positive, nourishing, and uplifting people- people who believe in you, encourage you to go after your dreams, and applaud your victories. Surround yourself with possibility thinkers, idealists, and visionaries.

I spent some time with some incredible people at an event in San Francisco and even though some agreed to disagree, we walked away as friends and a new found respect for each other. I had almost forgotten what it felt like. We were all there to be part of the solution and not one person became a part of the problem.

Next time you are about to contribute to the conversation, ask if you are being part of the solution.

The problem is already there...why don't you do something to work on the solution?

*referenced in this post....special thanks to Jack Canfield's "The Success Principles"

The Bridge

2011-05-22T12:27:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I spoke at the WLSFA.org Meet and Greet in Las Vegas and I will be sharing much more but for now it will just be a video.

At the end of my presentation I wrapped it up with "The Bridge". The words are from "The Language of Letting Go by Melanie Beattie. All of the photographs are mine except two. The song was something I wrote years ago and I finally decided to use it for one of my videos. I played guitar and sang and narrated the video. The words are so perfect for us in our community so I hope you'll enjoy it.

I have tons of photographs and videos and experiences to share from the incredible event and it will take me a while to gather them and make sense of it all. So for now...here's The Bridge.

Connie, Rosemary, and Dr. Garth Davis on Houston TV!

2011-04-06T12:24:00.000-07:00

Twins Experience Weight Loss Surgery: MyFoxHOUSTON.com

How cute is this?

Twin sisters that will be twins again.

Thank you WLSFA.org (Toni)

Thank you Dr. Garth and Robert Davis. Connie's dream came true....literally.

Wow...this week so much positive television coverage of the miracle of surgery.

You could have picked me up off the floor!

2011-04-05T16:29:00.001-07:00

Click here to read the post!

A day that will live in history for the WLSFA

2011-04-05T16:12:00.000-07:00

Please click here to read post!

An illusion and another face of cross addiction

2011-03-04T10:01:00.000-08:00

Please click here:

An illusion and another face of cross addiction

WLS Peeps need your vote!

2011-02-20T15:57:00.000-08:00

Check out my new blog post! CLICK HERE

Can I be reincarnated as my dog?

2011-01-31T14:46:00.000-08:00

Click below!
http://wlssuccess.com/2011/01/can-i-be-reincarnated-as-my-dog/

Walk around the puddle of mud

2011-01-30T14:45:00.000-08:00

Click to the new blog!
http://wlssuccess.com/2011/01/walk-around-the-puddle-of-mud/

Connie's Miracle and Remembering Alice

2011-01-29T14:42:00.000-08:00

Please click to go to the new blog.
http://wlssuccess.com/2011/01/connies-miracle-and-remembering-alice/

What did I ask for? Oops..it's exactly what I got.

2010-12-08T12:32:00.000-08:00

: Butterfly Blonde by Yvonne

What did I ask for? Let's think about this....

I wanted to lose the weight and be just like "normal" people right? What did I beg for, pray for every day for over thirty years? I would have made a deal with the devil if I could have found him to ask. It's embarrassing when I admit to myself the lengths I would have gone to if I could have mustered a little more courage. My fondest wish was to lose the weight that put me in the most severe prison I could ever imagine. My obesity was like living dead.

Today I was answering a message and wanted to share my response. I was explaining that fighting a twenty pound regain made this wonderful lady normal and this is what I said.

"I know without a doubt that my pouch is stretched. I can eat a lot of food but that's OK because my greatest wish was just to get back to normal.... to get a second chance and be like everyone else. I'm just like everyone else now fighting to stay at a normal weight...where it's easy to gain the 10-20 pounds if I'm not careful. I got exactly what I asked for didn't I??"

Unfortunately it is easy to forget that I would have given up a toe or a finger to have only twenty or thirty pounds to lose. That was an impossible dream but now a regain of that much scares me to death. Perception changes everything. I also told her to be careful about the holidays and to recommit right now. Yep the food is awesome during the holidays but how long do we enjoy it? Our high only lasts for few minutes. We even chose a sucky high. Legal...but sucky. Next thing we know we are facing the beginning of the year with another ten pounds that kills our heart and soul. We don't even remember at that point what we ate and how it tasted.

Is it easy? Nah...it's never easy but the things worth doing are worth working for.

So be careful for what you wish for...you just might get it.

Then when you get it...remember that it's what you asked for.

And most of all...be grateful for today because like my friend Ramon says, be happy for any day you're above the dirt.

Hugs, Y

p.s. that's a little art piece I did, hope you like it.

Click to see it on my new blog

Beating Regain. Gina Getting to Goal 9 years later

2010-12-07T18:20:00.000-08:00

New blog post!

Beating Regain. Gina Getting to Goal 9 years later

hugs, Y

Do you want to be happy or perfect? Stop toxic shame.

2010-12-02T16:46:00.000-08:00

New blog post! Do you want to be happy or perfect? Stop toxic shame.

Two New Posts! Click on the links below.

2010-11-29T17:38:00.000-08:00

Re: Morning Confessions of an Ugly Girl

Conversation with a post-op vet back on track

Thanksgiving and a new beginning...

2010-11-26T11:39:00.000-08:00

Check it out on the new blog!

CLICK HERE!

A brand new blog on bariatricgirl.com!

2010-11-24T13:33:00.000-08:00

I have a new blog.

And there's lots of cool new stuff!

I will be leaving this blog up because there are some features I cannot duplicate on the new one and vice versa.

I will be posting here each time there is a new entry on the new site to make sure to cover all the bases. Every post here is already copied to the new blog but I couldn't copy the comments...but that's OK.

Check it out when you get a chance....

BARIATRIC GIRL BLOG (the link is http://www.bariatricgirl.com/)

Many blessings in love and light, Y

Give your review on WLS!

2010-10-29T12:21:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post because I'm off to Houston for the Obesity Help Houston event next week and it's been BUSY!! I'm trying to pull the fashion show together, speak, take clothes for the clothing exchange etc. It's not too late to come!

There's a site called realself.com and they contacted me for info to write a blog post about my story. You can find a very well written and very kind article here:

http://www.realself.com/blog/bariatric-girl-second-chance-at-life

Most importantly they have a section where you can review your weight loss surgery and I'd love for you to go there and tell your story. Here's that link!

http://www.realself.com/Gastric-bypass-surgery/reviews

See you after big fun and inspiration in Houston!
Love and Light
Yvonne

Surviving to Thriving! You've got to see this!

2010-10-02T19:17:00.000-07:00

What an incredible job! Congrats to everyone at WLSFA.org. Toni you rock! BTV you rock too! Please take a moment to watch and give to the WLSFA. (the announcer guy is my husband)

You've lost the weight, why aren't you happy?

2010-09-26T12:41:00.000-07:00

I look at the person I photographed in Cabo San Lucas. Is the lady happy standing out there on the beach? Maybe...or maybe not. Some might question "How could she not be happy standing on the beach and looking at that beautiful sunrise?" Well the truth is that some people would be standing out there complaining about the sand in their shoes.

Some might also question "How could you not be happy after losing 100, 200, 300 or more pounds?" For people that haven't lived that situation they couldn't possibly understand why some of us aren't.

I have stared into the anxious faces of pre-surgery women that long for the simple things like being able to tie their shoes, play with their children, fit in an airplane seat without an extender and many of the things others take for granted.

We buy into that dream. You know the one....where our life becomes this perfect pink cloud life of thinness....sheer normalcy. No more struggles or pain, everything is rainbows and fairy dust because we lost the weight.

Lately there have been an overwhelming number of posts from unhappy post-ops. If you are one to relate to this situation, have you asked yourself why? So many set themselves up for failure because they are SURE that losing the weight will make them instantly happy. I've talked to many pre-ops as they nod their heads and say "I understand, all I want is to do normal things." How can we blame them for wanting more? The first year is made of all these incredible highs from losing weight like we've never lost before! Friends and relatives are telling us how GREAT we look. We get so excited that we can't help but want more! The honeymoon period ends and unless we are prepared, we may wonder what on earth will I do now to replace those "bouncing off the wall highs" we have lived for a year.

We needed to address why we needed to self medicate before we got to this phase but we certainly have to NOW. Why do you think that only having a thin body would make you happy? Think about a friend who has been thin all their lives. I'm pretty sure they don't get out of bed in the morning thinking "OH WOW, I'M SO HAPPY BECAUSE I'M THIN!" They are just like everyone else trying to live their life the best they can with the best attitude they can.

HAVE YOU REALLY FORGOTTEN WHERE YOU CAME FROM?

Perhaps one of the most useful rituals I do each morning is a walking meditation with my dog. "I am truly grateful for my thin healthy body" (that's the first one followed by many more) While I'm saying that I see myself the night before surgery. I remember exactly where I was and I remember to be grateful for where I am today. Is post-op life hard? It is if you believe it is. Wasn't it hard to live in your pre-surgery body? Some of us just can't help ourselves from looking over that fence thinking the grass is greener. I have been discussing this lately but if you really REALLY think about it why do you believe that what you want is always in a place you cannot have? What is the point in that? I will say this again....you have to decide the grass is green enough for right now and when you do, you totally forget to want to climb that fence because even if you do, there's just another fence waiting on the other side. Do you want to enjoy where you are or spend your life climbing fences?

I have found that when I start to see the green grass all around me that the fences fall down because they don't matter any more. After spending 30 years of wanting to be "not obese", I am done with concentrating on what I don't have and ready to enjoy what I have! The magic that happens is that you open yourself to the new stuff that can come into your life because your energy is tied up on useless endeavors.

Open your life to new experience. Quit spending your time concentrating on what you don't have and remember how far you've come. I promise it will make a difference!

Try it you'll like it Mikey!

Love and Light,

Yvonne

Inspirational posts from post-ops

2010-09-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

I have a group on Obesity Help called WLS Success. If you are a member of Obesity Help (it's free) please feel free to click on the link and join in on the fun!

This week we've had two particularly inspirational posts. The first one is from Molly who had gastric bypass in 2004. Molly decided to fight that nasty regain monster who tagged her with 80 pounds, Molly is truly an inspiration to those that don't think you can win against that mean ole regain monster so I asked her if I could share her progress.

Here is her post:

In March 2010 when I set out to get back on track, I knew it would be hard. I knew I had to take some drastic measures to get my mind in the place I needed to be to lose 170 more pounds - 80 of which I had regained. In my 20's, 30's and with weight loss surgery the pounds came off a lot more easier than they did this time around. But I was determined to use all of my knowledge to just stick out the bumps in the road I have had over the last 6 months.

In June I had a relapse. I gained over 12 pounds and then spent the whole month of July and part of August getting that weight off. August I did everything right 90 percent of the time and only lost 3 pounds. But at least I had not gained, but still disconcerting because I knew with what I was eating and the exercising I was doing almost daily that I should have been losing at least 2 pounds a week.

Now it is September 13th and I have lost 8 pounds already for a total of 30 pounds, My BMI is back in the 40's. My body finally realized I was not going to let it win. I was going to stick it out. When I started out my goal was 8 pounds a month. That would mean now I should have lost 42 to 48 pounds. So I am a little behind. Wouldn't it be something if I caught up some how in the next 4 to 6 weeks. I am not sweating it. But I still think about it. I am not complaining or upset I have lost only 30 pounds. I am just reflecting.

I am very happy with the 30! I am happy because I have stop the bleeding (gaining). I am so on my mission now to reach all my goals. Maybe I will not reach them on the timetable I set but as long as I do not give up I am on my way. I still have a long ways to go and plenty of soul searching to do but I am on my way. I am making a come back. You can get back on track! I am back on track and I feel good about it. I am going all the way.

My many friends and support programs has helped me remain positive and mindful of my ultimate goals. Encouraging others has help me stay on track also. Thanks again for your support!

The second post is from KristineA, a new post-op. This is truly uplifting and I couldn't be more excited for her.

Hi everyone, just checking in. I went on a business trip last week, first time I have flown since starting this journey. I have always carried most of my weight around my belly, as I heard somebody else describe it, my body type is "imaginary fetus." So belting a seatbelt in any car could be an issue but was always an adventure on a plane! Trying to buckle it under your belly, and hoping the attendant wouldn't think you were faking it and ask you to lift your fat. I remember one flight where I was determined not to ask for the extender belt, and I braced my feet and pushed as far back into the chair as I could to get the seatbelt done up. And was depressed and very uncomfortable the rest of the flight. I was afraid to get up and use the bathroom and have someone see me getting the belt done up again!

Well. This time, I had a good 4 inches of extra unused on the belt. 4 inches! And for the first time in my adult life, I could put the tray table down and not have it hit my belly. How many meals have I eaten with the tray ready to slide off because my body pushed the tray up at an angle? I could not believe it. I left that stupid tray down, and put my book on it, just because I could. Halfway through the flight I realized, not only did I have the tray table down, I had crossed my legs without thinking about it. Crossed my legs! In a plane!!! I used to look over at other people doing that and be so jealous. I know it's a little thing in some ways, but I almost cried. I got my coworker's attention and hissed at him, "Look! Look at me! I'm crossing my legs!" I also showed him how I could move my hand between the table and my body. He was smiling for me, it was AWESOME.

I am very grateful for those members in that group who are so much like a family...too many to mention. I want to thank JEllen for being the glue that holds us together and Traci for offering to rally the troups. Again, too many to name.

I hope that Molly gave some of you a glimpse into kicking the "regain monster" in the butt. The second post makes me smile and feel all warm inside.

I hope they made you feel that way too...

Love and Light, Y

Forgiving the Fat Girl

2010-08-25T12:11:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I was speaking at the Obesity Help Cincinnati Event and as usual I showed some of my before pictures.

Today I received an email from a dear friend of mine Barbara and she asked me this:

After weight loss surgery, and having lost 116 pounds and counting, do I eventually become and stay for life, a fat girl in a slim body, or do I evolve (with personal work and therapy) into a slim girl in a slim body with a fat girl buried under the tree in my backyard?

This was my answer....

B. You evolve (with personal work and therapy) into a slim girl in a slim body with a fat girl buried under the tree in my backyard.

I have buried the fat girl in the backyard but I keep a picture to show others what is possible. I know that by looking at the before pictures I have the ability to move past painful emotions and can come to peace with that pain. Any time I looked at those pictures for the first several years after weight loss surgery I would feel the shame and blame and guilt but now I have forgiven her...the fat girl.

She was doing the very best she could.

She kept trying to find the solution and she didn't give up.

The fat girl saved my life.

She died to save me and I’m grateful for that.

She suffered for 30 years and carried the physical and emotional pain every day but even with that….she thought that one day there might still be a way out. Even at 47 years old when some cultures consider that old age and way too late to start over, she kept trying! The fat girl believed that it was possible to still live a life with purpose and meaning.

I look back at her now with love because even though she wanted to just give up and die, she didn't.

I participated in the fashion show at the event and something happened that I was fortunate enough to get video of. This is something the former fat girl in me only dreamed of....to wear a dress and heels and walk a catwalk or runway. We had all done our "one at a time" walk and we were all coming back out for one last walk when a very nice looking man nearly half my age said "I'm walking with you!" A great song came on and I decided to have a good time. Pursing my lips and doing my very best strut, I proceeded down the runway. Not knowing what would happen next was really scary.

Would I fall?

Would I do something stupid?

I decided it didn't matter. Jared was the perfect partner and he dipped me!

So thank you fat girl....thank you for allowing me to live that slice of life I never thought possible.

I'm not ashamed of you anymore.

Love and Light,

Yvonne

p.s. I'm including the video. Click in the middle of it if you can't see the whole frame and it will take you to you tube.

Out of tragedy came a miracle

2010-06-06T17:14:00.000-07:00

I have that comedian’s syndrome.

You know the one where the person on stage can make the whole room laugh but when one person doesn’t….HORRORS! Apparently there had been some discussion about “repeat” speakers at events so I thought I would tell a story of the miracles that come from being a repeat speaker.

My dad wanted me to be a Dale Carnegie Course graduate for speaking when I was in my 20’s and I didn’t get to use my certificate much because no one really had a need for an obese speaker. I wasn’t a stranger to the stage because of playing Cello and singing and playing guitar but speaking was different. After losing the weight I fell into it totally by accident. My dear blogger friend Traci asked me to explain how I got the opportunity to speak and it evolved from an unusual storyline. It involves some tragedy that was followed by a miracle.

When I attended my first weight loss surgery event (Obesity Help 2004 Arlington, TX) I was too afraid to go alone. I volunteered to be the official photographer. After working closely with staff and continuing to volunteer for the next 3 years I had worked hard and begged to get a coveted break out session at the upcoming national California event. It was a magical experience and the 80’s party was one of the best times I’ve had dancing in years. I even wore some clothes I saved from that crazy time in life. This is Debra, Ramon and myself at that party.

Again because of the contacts made at that conference I was given more opportunities to speak and each time I spoke was as much like birthing a baby as I can imagine. Working for hours putting together my information…trying my best to figure out if what I say is relevant to as many as possible. I appreciate each and every person that attends, I don’t want to let them down, and I pray that I say just one thing that can change their lives.

In September of 2007 we had an Obesity Help conference in San Antonio, Texas. Besides preparing a talk I had also spent hours making some centerpieces for the tables for the Texas themed event. They were dancing cowgirls with hats and lassos. My friend Debra had brought the huge candles from her son’s wedding and we were rushing to get it all set up in time. I had a raging eye infection and was trying desperately to shoot pictures when I really couldn’t see. Rushing back to the room to get ready I was waiting for my husband to arrive for the dance when I got a phone call that would bring me to my knees.

Earlier in the day I had spoken and had also done a yoga demonstration and decided to use some music and photographs in the background. The images were of beautiful flowers sent to me by an incredible woman named Alice Neff that I actually met on Dr. Phil's forum. I had corresponded with Alice for 9 months and as a gesture of appreciation for my support she sent me flowers when she could barely afford to feed her special needs daughter Hillary and the many stray cats she helped. We bonded over the cats and we discussed how each day it was harder and harder for her to lift and properly take care of her daughter. She was scared to death about allowing the state to take care of her because she had experienced some abuse by the system before. She loved her daughter Hillary so much that she rarely ever allowed herself to dream but she knew if she got the surgery that she would be able to take care of Hillary. We wrote everybody we could think of for help.

The call was about Alice.

She had committed suicide by leaving the car running in the garage.

She had put her daughter in the car too and even rounded up the strays that she knew no one would take care of.

When I picked myself off the floor I had no choice…there was a function to go to and not many would know until the next day.

Out of tragedy come miracles.

To tell this properly would require a novel so the shorter version was that Dr. Carcamo from Nix Health Care heard the story. He heard that Alice committed suicide because she was unable to have weight loss surgery and he said he wished he could have saved her. As I rode in the elevator with him to his office to be photographed, he told me an incredible story about dealing with death that his father who was also a doctor had told him. He said he couldn’t save Alice but he could save another and that’s what he did. He arranged surgery for our beautiful Monica who had tried to have surgery for 4 years. There were so many people involved in this story and with each story there are so many layers, so many reasons one person talks to another and does a favor for another and so on and so on. This doctor saved my friend’s life and each time I see her face I see the life that was given to her.

Monica joined in with Debra, Ramon and I to help a teenager named Corina. Dr. Alvarez was our angel that day as well as Nina who rode with Corina on the day of her surgery.

Although I have been a repeat speaker at these functions, I could not be more appreciative at the last event because my dad finally got a return on the Dale Carnegie course. My mom had passed away from cancer when I was at my heaviest and never saw me thin. I will be forever grateful that my dad was in the audience with my step mother Betty, my husband Kevin and sitting at that same table was Monica….the life that was saved when Alice lost hers.

It has taken me a long time to tell this story but now there is a good reason why. A wonderful woman named Toni decided there should be more stories just like this....finding a way for those in need to get weight loss surgery or even reconstructive surgery! She formed WLSFA.org which is a non-profit organization that does just that. They have already designated who the first grant will go to and you can read about it here. If you have a moment and can give you can either contribute by writing a check or clicking on the pay pal button on the top left of my blog. (If you write a check they get all of it but they will take a pay pal donation too). Anything you send makes a difference and if you'll join the site you can also donate your talents too. I honestly can't think of anything I've felt better about in a long time.

When I look at the picture of Monica and Corina above I see two beautiful women that just needed some help. I see the possibilities of the miracles that the WLSFA can make happen for so many. (By the way, Monica and Corina will be attending the Obesity Help Houston Event in November.)

Out of tragedy came a miracle.

WLSFA is going to make some more...

Love and Light and Smooches,

Yvonne

Long overdue! Part 2 Obesity Help Costa Mesa Event

2010-06-06T10:37:00.000-07:00

I promised over 3 posts ago to do a part 2 for the Obesity Help Costa Mesa Event so here it is.

What do you get when you venture out of your bariatric comfort zone? You get to meet new and fascinating people from all different genres of the bariatric world. Here I am with Gastric Bypass Barbie and what a lovely soul and shining bright light she is. Where did I first "find" her? On You Tube. There are times when you meet someone and you feel like you've known them for years and that's exactly what happened with her. I know Cari has gotten some flack over the "Barbie" part of her name but if you allow this to keep you away from this bariatric ball of energy, you will be losing out. I am looking forward to seeing her very soon and hopefully more pictures will follow. I have her blog linked here so please check it out...and her You Tube channel of course.

I have written a long post (not published yet) about a tragic event in my life that I will share later. It involved a suicide because a beautiful woman was denied surgery. Long tragic tale that will make more sense when I write about it. Because of a very caring doctor some things fell into place that allowed another very deserving woman to get surgery. She had tried for years and because of the efforts of many it happened for her. I will save that post for another time but the reason I am mentioning it is because of an organization that is looking to do what one of my organizations did but on a much larger scale.

Please meet Toni from WLSFA.

(she's in the middle)

Again...because I ventured outside of my "usual" bariatric stomping grounds I met Toni and she met me. After an appropriate amount of begging, I talked her into coming to the Obesity Help Costa Mesa Event. She's been a very busy woman on You Tube with all the wonderful "bariatric tubers" so she didn't know much about the Obesity Help world...hence the need for begging.

What a power house of a woman that has started with a vision and is making it happen! She is all business but lots of fun and if you saw her "Onederland Dance" on You Tube, you would have been most appropriately entertained.

Please visit the site and join:

http://wlsfa.org/

WHY?

Because Toni has taken this dream to help others and turned it into a reality. Please click on the logo and read about "The Vision" and "The Inspiration".

I have a little group called RYD Obesity and we put together two events and were able to make some surgery happen for some very deserving women. Imagine what could be done with a national group!

There is no greater way to put yourself on the road to weight loss surgery success than to give back or pay it forward. You can give what you can give...whether it's a few dollars or volunteering your skills or whatever you can do. Maybe you know someone who is deserving of help. Make sure to read about the first grant recipients and I think you'll fall in love.

Got to put one more picture of the wonderful ladies that let me sit with them when there were no places to be had. They were great company and it makes me think back to when I would have never had been brave enough to just sit down with complete strangers. We had a lot of fun and a lot of laughs.

I believe some great things happened that weekend that will turn into greater things and it all started with several people breaking out of their comfort zones. Sure it gets all cozy where you are, "where everyone knows your name", but take a moment and check out some other avenues every once in a while. Even if you don't upload videos you can create an account so you can comment or at the very least... view a few.

Hope to see you on the WLSFA site!

Bariatric smooches, Yvonne

Let go...see opportunity in all things!

2010-06-05T09:36:00.001-07:00

If you assume in favor of yourself and act as if it is possible, then you will do the things that are necessary to bring about the result. If you believe it is impossible you will not do what is necessary and you will not produce the result. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. ~ Jack Canfield

If you take the approach that "good" is not an accident...that everyone and everything that shows up in your life is there for a reason and that everything is moving you toward your ultimate destiny for learning, growth, and achievement, you'll begin to see every event (no matter how difficult or challenging) as a chance for enrichment and advancement in your life. If you don't feel this way then just stop, give up and don't even try...just wait for the inevitable.

Doesn't choosing the first option sounds like the best path? It is the only path for me and I hope it sounds that way for you too. Is it so wrong believe things can really happen for us?

Nope...but you have to put some effort in your journey. This has never been about the magic pill, the easy way out ....but it does open doors for you that were previously closed to you. The only reason those doors were closed to us before is because we believed we didn't deserve it.

RELEASE THE BRAKES!

Release the brakes and get out of your comfort zone because it is a largely self created prison. "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten."

Most people drive through life with their psychological emergency brake on. They hold on to negative images about themselves or suffer the effects of powerful experiences they haven't yet released. They stay in a comfort zone entirely of their own making. They maintain inaccurate beliefs about reality or harbor GUILT and self-doubt...and when they try to achieve their goals, these negative images and preprogrammed comfort zones always cancel out their good intentions no matter how hard they try.

The ones that walk a successful journey have discovered that instead of using increased WILLPOWER as the engine to power their success, it's simply easier to "release the brakes" by letting go and replacing their limiting beliefs and changing their self-images. Isn't that a relief? It isn't about willpower....it's about letting go and letting it happen the way you want it to.

Jack Canfield also talks about baby elephants that are trained from a young age. If you tie a rope around a baby elephant's leg it cannot escape. As the elephant gets larger it could certainly get loose but it doesn't know it because the elephant has been trained that it cannot. The elephant believes it is real ...so as silly as it is, the elephant's belief makes it true. We do the same thing by continuing to buy into those self limiting beliefs! Here are his three suggestions to break out of your comfort zone.

1. You can use affirmations and positive self talk to affirm already having what you want, doing what you want, and being the way you want.

2. You can create powerful and compelling new internal images of having, doing, and being what you want.

3. You can simply change your behavior.

Quit being that baby elephant and take that rope off your leg.

Run like there is no tomorrow and see yourself where you want to be.

Lose the self limiting beliefs and replace them with affirmations. Sure it's uncomfortable in the beginning but isn't everything that's worth having? Practice, practice, practice and then see if you can truly get your mind in a place where you can believe the following:

"I believe the world is plotting to do me good today. I can't wait to see what it is!"

Progress not perfection and every step you take is getting you closer to what you really want out of your journey.

Let go and love yourself,

Yvonne

Unconditional Love

2010-06-02T08:38:00.001-07:00

Unconditional love means keeping your heart open all the time. To do so, you may need to let go of the expectations you have of other people, of wanting them to be anything other than what they are. It means letting go of any need for people to give you things, act in certain ways, or respond with love. Many of you wait for other people to be warm and loving before you are. Unconditional love is learning to be the source of love rather than waiting for other to be the source. ~ Sanaya Roman

Is it Kind, True and Necessary?

2010-06-01T12:15:00.000-07:00

There's been much discussion of late about the rules of weight loss surgery. Sometimes it is difficult to decide just how compliant you should be when the rules seem to be constantly changing or being challenged by seasoned post-ops or even professionals. We are involved in a field still in it's infancy so research is in short supply and most often comes from the internet where you can find a dozen different answers to the same question. After spending nine years participating on forums and attending events I have had to make decisions on which information I consider valid. My first indication of the validity of what someone is offering is whether they are walking or working a successful journey. My first few years attending talks included a person I will not name that preached hard at us on how not to regain but each time I saw this person they had nearly doubled in size. I do not judge this person's regain but their information on how to prevent regain had to be questioned in my mind. It serves no good purpose for me to find fault in this person's regain or information...I merely moved on to someone that was walking the walk and talking the talk.

Online we have a large population of very vulnerable post-ops that may have spent much of their lives feeling "less than". Sometimes they are pulled like sheep into following others that have given them attention and when a mob mentality starts the followers often pile on too because it makes them feel like they are part of something bigger than themselves....much like gangs pull in young men and women because they provide them with a perceived family. So how do you decide if you are being a good sheep or a misled sheep? Perhaps you ask yourself if anything that is being said would be something you would allow someone to say to you. As I have talked and written about many times I have three rules before I post.

1. Is it kind?

2. Is it true? (really true, not something you heard, don't even believe a picture because I can fake the best of them)

3. Is it absolutely necessary?

Assuming can get you in trouble too. Just because I carry on a dialogue with someone on a forum or Face Book don't assume that I approve of this person's every word. Guilty by association is not fair. Judge me (if you must) by my written or spoken word. I would really prefer you not judge me at all and redirect your energy to a place that will be beneficial instead.

Sheep groups that push shame/blame/judgment/guilt will suck the life out of us and those emotions are not conducive to a successful journey. When you see the occasional bully mosh pit, step away from the drama. No matter the actions of the attacked we only lower our standards by wallowing in the mud and I will repeat for the dozenth time that I spent 30 years in the mud while being obese and I don't wish return.

Also know that we are rarely upset for the reason we think. I have these words recorded by someone but I'm not quite sure who it was but I will share this.

Rarely are we upset for the reason we think. Upon deeper examination, you will find that it is a recreation of an earlier pain, played out over and over in changing scenery with different people until you resolve it. It may be a reenactment of a childhood drama in which you were accused of things you didn’t do. Pain, anger, or resentment you feel almost always comes from a similar childhood experience. You recreate the pain so that you can move beyond it. Next time you feel angry at someone, stop. Close your eyes and go within. See that you have had similar experiences before. Realize that you are reliving some childhood decision and that now is an opportunity to end this pattern in your life and come from your deepest truth. Realize other people are only drawn to play out certain roles with you to help you evolve. Let go of any anger or blame you have towards them.

If this doesn't speak to you then just realize "pain is only triggered by another person when there is already pain within you".

Who's WLS rules are the best? The ones that work for you. If your journey is not going where you want it to go then I would suggest a change. You are like a radio that can receive many stations. What you receive depends on what you pay attention to. Also remember compassion is the ability to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Do not make the other person wrong and as you grow it is important to develop wisdom, release pain and rise above negativity.

Hang with the winners.

Fly with the eagles.

Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
Show others the respect you wish for yourself.

Be kind to each other...life is so very short...

Words hurt so think before you give them immortality on this thing we call the internet because once it's out there you can't take it back.

Love and light,

Yvonne

Dealing with regain and enjoying the OH Costa Mesa Event

2010-05-27T11:36:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I attended the Obesity Help Costa Mesa Event and a phenomenal experience it was! I was fortunate enough to participate in a panel mostly comprised of professionals and I believe we all walked away with newly founded insight. (Kudos to OH's Kim Gyurina for the panel idea) Dr. Connie Stapleton was one of the panelists and wow does she get us! After spending over an hour with me gushing with my WLS patient advocacy passion, I don't think I scared her at all....in fact it just cemented the fact that she does indeed understand the many areas of need in the WLS community and just how far we have to go to understand our disease. It is a disease with the new phase of weight loss surgery that is still in it's infancy and there is so much to learn.

During the session there was a lovely woman who bravely asked a question about whether or not she was self sabotaging because she could never quite break into Onederland (weight in the 100's for those that don't know). The first thing I asked was whether or not she was sure she felt like she deserved it. It was obvious she did not.

We get so caught up in how much we have to lose instead of how far we have come. The first thing I suggested was to remember how desperately we wanted to become "normal". Over 9 years ago I would sit in front of the computer for hours with tears streaming down my face....I just wanted to be one of those women....one of the hundreds of women that lost all their weight.

Now that some have regained some weight we ARE normal...just like many of the population who has that 20, 30, 40 etc. pounds to lose. Instead of saying "WOW, I'VE LOST OVER 100 POUNDS!" we are miserable over the regain. I suggested that she approach it by being in the attitude of gratitude and realizing that the regain can be handled! Compared to losing 100, 200 pounds it is a flash in the pan. We cannot possibly begin to get in the successful frame of mind if we continually see ourselves as a failure. Looking at the regain as a huge monster makes it exactly that....a huge monster that we give more power to each day.

If only we realized that each day we start out as innocent as a newborn babe. Dragging the baggage from the past only does us harm and makes us weigh more! We cannot change the past...it is true that it made us exactly who we are today... but using precious energy to drag it forward each day uses up our resources to change the things we can. When we really get that....I mean really get that....we can devote all that energy to the things we have control over.

Amazingly enough I am told that I couldn't possibly know about regain because my life is perfect since I have maintained goal weight. What "they" don't know is that I still suffer from severe low self esteem and sometimes debilitating depression. Also life is life. The only way I know how to fight it is to give back, pay it forward, and stay out of my scary head.

I would like to thank Beth (melting mama) for the pictures of the event. I was in the fashion show and just love the picture I had taken with my friend Teresa (with Celebrate Vitamins) in the photo booth.

Make sure and visit Beth's link to view her images which reflect her "oh most talented" photographic eye.

More to follow in part two about Toni with the WSLFA and meeting Gastric Bypass Barbie and many others.

MELTING MAMA'S IMAGES

These events can certainly recharge your batteries as well as educate but most importantly they give you the opportunity to give back and that alone can put you well on the road to recovery.

Accentuate the positive.
Go around the negative.
Get back on the horse.
See yourself where you want to be because if you see yourself as a failure you will rarely disappoint yourself.
It will NEVER be perfect but it can be pretty good.

Love and kisses, love and light,
Yvonne
(Bariatric Girl)

Calling all WLS peeps! Need your help!

2010-05-17T19:38:00.000-07:00

This will be short and sweet. I'm getting ready to go to California for the Obesity Help Southern California event. Pictures will be posted when I return!

Today I opened People Magazine and saw something I haven't seen in a long time.... a story that was positive about weight loss surgery. After writing People magazine for some time I have been begging for something positive and it's finally happened!

I've got a favor to ask.

I would consider it a huge favor if you could shoot an email to editor@people.com and tell them how much you appreciate the story on WLS. By the way it's about Zulekha Haywood (daughter of supermodel Iman) who had surgery and lost 157 pounds. If we do this during this next week I am hoping they will publish someone's email. You can also sign it "anonymous" if you wish.

Thanks so much in advance for anyone willing to participate!

WLS smooches...

Yvonne

Discussing scales and regain

2010-03-23T20:33:00.000-07:00

This was a post on ObesityHelp.com that I answered and I'd love to share my response because I think it helps to share real stuff and real answers. I hope you'll see something you can relate to.

Here's the original post:

For those of you who had RNY, are past your “honeymoon" stage, and are now sailing smoothly, not struggling or falling back into your obese lifestyle, what personality shift did you make that helped you become a long term success. I don’t mean the golden standards like keep a food diary, drink all your water (sip, sip, sip), or get regular exercise, not the habits you changed. I mean the head stuff, the light bulb moment, the trigger that made you do turn around and say I’m not doing this anymore and I’m not looking back.

This is what I shared:

I will be 9 years out next week. I don't think I would call it smooth sailing but more a comparison to the "regular" people you know that are constantly fighting that 5-10 pounds. The thing that works for me is changing my relationship with food. It is fuel and no longer "sex in a plate". I have discovered so many wonderful other things in life that I can take part in now that I couldn't before. I am hyper aware that if I eat things that are bad for me that I will only experience a momentary time of pleasure followed by self loathing and then a need to eat again to self medicate the pain away for beating myself up. I actually don't keep a food diary. My food diary is the scales. Every morning I check to see where I am and I do damage control when I go over the magic number and fix it while it's small. It is a black and white thing....no "I'll wait until tomorrow". I fix it then and when I get back under that number I just eat carefully but I don't journal or count calories. Let me state that this is my way. I also don't eat more than 8 grams of sugar and I totally believe that the way to stop cravings is to stop eating the things you don't want to crave. I spent years trying to stop drinking Coke and couldn't but after surgery I had to. I don't even remember what it tastes like. If you stop doing certain foods you will forget the cravings. I am not suggesting that you go in a bakery and press your face in freshly baked bread that you won't get some euphoric recall so I don't do that. There's a great saying "If you hang around a barbershop, eventually you'll get a hair cut". Keep yourself away from things and triggers that will tempt you.The other way I keep it fresh in my mind is that every morning I seriously concentrate on my before picture that was taken the night before surgery. I remind myself just how miserable I was and how much I don't want to go back under any circumstances. I don't ever want to take for granted the little things that I wanted so badly. As long as I am vigilant about doing that damage control while the problem is small, I can handle what comes my way.

This picture was taken the night before surgery. I was the happiest 260 pound woman on earth because I had hope for the first time in 30 years.

I would rather be doing these things.

She then responded that she liked the concept of doing damage control early on and I continued with this:

That's one of the reasons I very carefully stated "this is my way". I was told once that someone considered getting on the scale every day made us a prisoner to our scale. I only do it in the morning and once a day. I record it on my daily calendar on my iPhone. I visualize what I expect to see and I'm very nearly right every day. I then forget the scale and my weight until the next morning. I don't look at it as the scale ruling my world. I use it as a measurement to keep me in line. I could gain 5 plus pounds in a week. 5 pounds is more difficult to fix than 2 or 3. I don't freak out, I just fix it. If I don't weigh I would be more likely to worry about what it is. Knowledge is power. Worrying about what "might be" is more damaging for me. Dealing face on with "what is" is far easier for me and it makes me accountable.

I was listening to a bariatric surgeon speak a few years ago and he was talking about post-ops needing to keep food journals and emotional journals (write down what they were feeling before they ate the wrong things) and many other things. Later on he was asked how he stayed thin and he said he got on the scales every morning and adjusted his activities for the day when he went over his weight he wanted to be. I immediately questioned why we couldn't be the same...just be a normal person that maintains their weight. For me the scales are my friend and knowing where we are is called feedback. How do you solve a problem if you don't know all the information involved?

If you are a person that doesn't care about a 20 pound difference you will not need to check that often. Sometimes men are that way. Many women care very deeply about 20 pounds. If you are the type that is deeply affected by 10 or 20 pounds, it is very important to check your progress and do the damage control or else it will eat you alive and it seeps into every area of your life. I call that "regain strain" or "looking at everything through regain glasses". I don't want to write a novel here but you have to find what works for you. I just know that the majority of successful post-ops have some things in common and one of them is doing damage control on the small regain. Please let me know if I can help any further OK? hugs, Y

Are you an anchor or a motor?

2010-02-06T15:13:00.000-08:00

"There are two types of people - anchors and motors. You want to lose the anchors and get with the motors because motors are going somewhere and they're having more fun. The anchors just drag you down" - Wyland - World renowned marine artist

We have these people in our lives that are called dream stealers...they tell you that your dreams and goals are a waste and constantly try to drag you back down to their level. You can easily identify those people with their victim mentality and mediocre standards. They are toxic people and you would be doing yourself a big favor by being totally alone than to expose yourself to these people that suck the life out of you. Surround yourself with winners... with people that believe in you and celebrate your victories.

Drop out of the "ain't it awful" club. My husband is a radio talk show host and many days he was forced to talk about the "ain't it awful" stories. Not a great deal of deep, meaningful discussions. Lots of talk about how awful the story was.

We do a good enough job on our own thinking we are going to fail so why do we waste any time with anyone that wants to help us get there? The day I decided to have weight loss surgery was the day I decided that failure was not an option. 30 years of failure but this time failure was NOT AN OPTION.

"Confidence is contagious So is lack of confidence" - Vince Lombardi

Whether it's certain friends or someone on Facebook or the person on the discussion boards that is a constant stream of negative judgments, criticisms, blaming and complaining. Misery certainly loves company so why would you expose yourself to that mindset? So many of us want to fix those people....I did for a lot of years but I learned my lesson. Instead of hanging with the dream stealers, I want to hang with the winners. Raising the bar is the way to get yourself up out of the mud. There will always be people who find it necessary to say something unkind about someone else in order to make themselves feel more important and it's even worse when they acquire vulnerable followers and start this mob mentality that grows and grows. Pretty soon the toxicity is infectious. Step away from the toxic people....run away from the anchors. When you hang with the winners you'll start to think and act like them and your dreams and goals will be celebrated instead of shot down every time you express an opinion.

Will you stumble sometimes? Sure you will. Get back up, try another way, try going over, around or through and if that doesn't work, you do it again. And when you're in the midst of trying again, who do you want next to you? An anchor or a motor?

Ladies and gentlemen....start your engines....

Musings of a post-op - January 2010

2010-01-30T12:31:00.000-08:00

So someone gave me a great idea about sharing some of my posts of various forums. I want to share them here. We were discussing Carnie Wilson's show and were questioning her decision of occupational choices. I have edited it a bit so that I could make some things clearer.

I understand totally about questioning her choices but alas, it is something that is totally out of my control. I know she is looking to following her bliss but if I'm a sex addict, I don't think making porn movies would be a healthy choice but this is not my decision and I haven't traveled in her shoes. Truly I have my hands full with my journey and I am almost 9 years out and stayed at goal. I will be totally honest with you....my weight loss journey is not "that" hard but the reason is that I made some choices early on from the very beginning. Before I had surgery I coudn't quit drinking Coke but because I knew I would get sick and because I was so determined to do this thing right, I gave it up. To this day I don't miss it and can't for the life of me figure out why I was so addicted. I came to figure out that by continuing to eat or drink certain things that it kept the craving alive. When you quit eating them, you stop wanting them...you will stop craving them. People will argue with me on this and think that having a little taste will get you past the craving and make you not feel deprived. I use the analogy of an alcoholic. Would you give an alcoholic a taste to get past the craving? Now....if you are one that can eat a little bit of that stuff and you are easily maintaining your goal weight, GO FOR IT! I don't know but a handfull of those people and the reason they succeed is because they log those calories and count them. Regarding deprived??? Deprived to me is regaining my weight and depriving me from the miracle of the surgery I worked so hard to get. After nearly 9 years I have a pretty good system down and that's avoiding sugar like it's poison and even a lot of artficial sweetener because there has been some incredible info regarding the effects of that stuff. It does horrible stuff to your body like depression. You may ask, "well what in the hell am I supposed to do about sweet stuff?" Eat fruit. Get over it. Decide what you want. I weigh daily and fix problems when they are small. I don't even log my food but that's not for everyone. My log is getting on the scale and that keeps me in check. If you believe something is hard, it is. If you appreciate the fact that you got this miracle tool and that you can do less to stay at a normal weight than what you would have to do before you had surgery, it's a breeze! It is hard if you make it hard. It is also hard if you live in this angry, resentful world where everything and everyone pisses you off. I did this to live and to live happy. I avoid the crappy people that want to gripe and whine, show them compassion and move on down the road because I am the one responsible for taking care of my body and part of success is hanging with the winners. Sorry I got so winded..I often do you know.hugs, Y

Featured on Diva Taunia's Backstage Pass

2009-11-19T09:14:00.000-08:00

Diva Taunia featured me on her show. These are the kind words she wrote about me.

11/16/09 WLS LOVELY FEATURE: YVONNE/BARIATRIC GIRL
A lot of you out there have probably already heard of or spoken directly to Yvonne McCarthy. Why? Because she’s an active and prominent member of the WLS, advocating all of the wonderful and dramatic changes your life will go through post-surgery. Yvonne is otherwise known in the WLS community as “Bariatric Girl.”

I first met Yvonne several months ago when she hosted a news segment on me for the WLS Channel News. What I love most about her is that not only is she excited about her own post-surgery life, but she’s excited for other people too. She said lovely things about me in the segment feature, and now I get the opportunity to do the same for her.

Yvonne is 55 yrs old (which is amazing to me, because I thought she was much, much younger) and HOT. Seriously. She’s blonde, vibrant, gorgeous and a super-sweetheart to boot. She had open RNY on 3/31/01, and lost 130 lbs off of her 260 lb frame. She’s maintained that 130 lb loss for the past 8 years, and is an inspiration to all of us that weight loss can be maintained post-surgery.

She documents her journey and other WLS-related topics on her website at bariatricgirl.com. There you can find links to her blog, YouTube page, WLS Channel and more. She’s also a Life Coach and passionate animal lover. She does volunteer work for WLS advocacy 24/7 and has a website and organization called RYD Obesity.

Yvonne also plays cello, guitar, and sings and is passionate about music as well. Need some inspiration? You’re sure to find it from this talented and passionate woman. Go check out everyone’s favorite Bariatric Girl today!

In Oprah's Corn Dog Defense

2009-10-16T12:44:00.000-07:00

I wouldn't make it as a famous person for two seconds.

Hollywood spin has always been cruel but I saw it at it's worst last night. Entertainment Tonight did a story about overweight stars. The story started with Mary Hart saying"Oprah chowing down on corn dogs" and a skinny blonde woman (like me except mean) said "Oprah clearly isn’t serious about her weight loss if she’s eating like this."

Corn dogs, as in plural.

They proceed to show Oprah eating "a" corn dog during her visit to the Texas State Fair in Dallas, Texas.

It's a rule, when you go to the Texas State Fair you must eat a Fletcher's corn dog.

Hey folks....you can be shot for less than that in Texas. Oprah was here doing her show, hundreds of people at the fair showing her around and shoving food in her face because that's what people do at the fair.

Apparently "In Touch" magazine will be printing an equally cruel article this week so they jumped on the Oprah/corn dog picture right away....added the meany blonde who ruins it for all blondes and the "O" story continues.

I feel for Oprah.

She'll probably not be making any return trips back to the State Fair of Texas any time soon. They are probably making edits to the Oprah show at this very minute on any dialogue referring to corn dogs and I wouldn't blame them.

By the way...even though you won't catch me eating "things super bad for me" very often, I WILL be having a corn dog if I make it to the fair this year.

Remember, it's the law.

Obesity Help Event Dallas 2009

2009-09-29T18:52:00.000-07:00

WOW What a time we had in Dallas!! I spoke and I was so happy my husband and my dad and stepmom came too. Awesome new faces and even TWELVE members in attendance from the first OH Event in Arlington 2004. I so wish we had gotten a group picture of us...

Happy reunions getting to see long time friends that are rarely in Dallas. Bo is smiling huh?

And so many good talks and fun at the fashion show. (I let my freak flag fly in the floppy hat)

Thanks to someone else for the fashion show shot but unfortunately we didn't get everyone in.

And then the big event of the day was....Ramon asking Debra to marry him!

Like Bo said, you just never know what you're going to see at an Obesity Help event do you?

I hope to have the videos I did during my presentation up for viewing soon. One was a tribute to the many lives that Obesity Help has saved and the second one was a tribute to Kirk Thompson. (Crow)

We lost a beautiful man this year and it was important to pay homage to him and Bo's words could not have been better chosen.

If you'd like to see the entire album of pictures, you can view them here:
http://picasaweb.google.com/justyvonne/OHDallas09?feat=directlink

So thank you to everyone that participated and made this a time that shall never be forgotten.
Many blessings to the many that showed me so much love...it was so much appreciated.
Love and light, Yvonne

A little cat humor

2009-09-11T15:36:00.000-07:00

I was looking at some old pictures today and came across some of my old cat cartoons and thought I'd share one.

In this journey we take each day with our weight loss surgery, it is far far better to laugh a little.

I hope that's what this will make you do....laugh a little.

Starring Boo Radley and Yoshi Boy.

If you like them, let me know because I have some more. Oh, one more with Boo.

Giving Oprah a weight loss surgery break.

2009-08-20T12:03:00.000-07:00

Today I heard Oprah and Dr. Oz are in the process of suing several companies who claimed they endorsed a particular product...one is called acai berry. After this product appeared on the show, the company went crazy selling the stuff, touting endorsement with pictures of both Oprah and Dr. Oz on the product. They finally said "not so fast". Lately it seems I can't go anywhere on the internet without beng assualted by acai berry ads. This is the phenomena of Oprah. Any time she endorses anything or even looks like she is, the product becomes an overnight success.
So let's assume Oprah were to have weight loss surgery. First of all she has to deal with the cameras on her 24/7.

Will she fail?
Or scarier, will she succeed?

If she succeeds, I can only imagine all the masses of uneducated people following suit....wanting surgery....thinking it is a magic pill. As much as Oprah does, if she were to have WLS she would cause thousands to suddenly seek it out. There are not enough docs or facilities available to handle all the people that would follow her. And then she would have to deal with the possible deaths that would could occur from sheer numbers of percentages. That would be more than she or the Oprah empire could handle.

Oprah is also human and surely she has fear just like the rest of us. Don't you believe that she is also feeling like she may fail yet again just like we all thought? And if she doesn't fail and actually makes it work, there will be a massive stampede. In a way Oprah is between a rock and a hard place. Even if she spent tons of time educating people about the process there would still be the irresponsible souls that would do it anyway. When they fail because of inadequate education, it would be Oprah's fault.

Wow, never have I been so grateful not to be in Oprah's place. Yep.... she has fame and fortune but not only does it not make you happy, sometimes it is the very reason you have backed yourself into a corner that you can't get out of.

Be careful what you ask for....
Be grateful for what you have....
And most importantly, no one has a perfect life because of being skinny or having tons of money.
And best of all...maybe...just maybe the acai berry will go away.

Ms. Fatty.com interviewed me!

2009-07-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

Special thanks to Ms. Fatty for interviewing me!

MsFatty.com Home / Around The Interwebs / Fireside Chat with The Bariatric Girl

Fireside Chat with The Bariatric Girl
Remember, if you are severely obese, bariatric surgery remains a legitimate option for you in your weight loss journey.
I’ve posted here about my online pal, The Bariatric Girl. Today I’m going to post the little fireside chat we had about weight loss surgery recently. Enjoy!

1. Yvonne, you have been fighting obesity your entire life; tell us something about the transformation of your mind that happened during the transformation of your body?My mind lagged well behind my body and that still hasn’t gone away entirely. Old habits die hard and so did the memories of my body. The strange one was when I was in the grocery store and felt like people walking by were literally on top of me. I was so used to people going around me and since I don’t require as much room, they walk closer and it was almost claustrophobic at first but I’ve adjusted.

2. One thing that we’ve discussed via email is how our “no cheat rule” has contributed to success. A lot of people think that having the bariatric surgery is the “easy way out” in a sense, because you’ll never have to worry about wanting to cheat ; ie, no self control needed after you get the surgery, it just “happens.” Further reading into this topic though, and you will find that some people that have had the surgery actually cheat and get fat again. I’m sure having a tiny pouch that you can’t fit a lot of food into helps tremendously, but if some people are still getting fat, then it seems to me that yes, a transformation of mind in also necessary. Talk to us a little bit about why you feel a no cheat rule works for you and why some people gain back all that weight even after surgery.
ABSOLUTELY. We did not get brain surgery. We just got a smaller stomach but if we don’t change what we were doing before, you can go back to obesity or switch to something new to abuse or another method to self medicate. Now you’re pretty safe the first year because your metabolism is still being tricked so you can eat pretty much what you want and still lose weight. We call that the honeymoon period. Approximately after a year that’s over with so it’s just like being put magically into this thinner body but your metabolism has smartened up. You must start the lifestyle change immediately after surgery because if you wait until the honeymoon period is over, it is much MUCH more difficult because you’re days of losing no matter what are pretty much done. For me that was a good trade. Take me back to normal and I promise to eat right and get some exercise….like getting a do over. If you start right after surgery, you’ve had a year of forming good habits.
With certain kinds of weight loss surgery it is designed to make you ill if you eat certain things like too much sugar. The truth is you will lose your cravings if you stop eating something completely. The no cheat rule makes it black and white. I look at sugar as poison so it’s very simple. I tried to stop drinking Coke for years and the funny thing is…now I don’t even remember what a Coke tastes like. The reason some people gain weight back is because they didn’t deal with the issues in their head that causes them to use food to self medicate. There’s another group of people that gain back 20-40 pounds and end up being more miserable than when they weighed 300 pounds. You must fight to keep that goal weight when you reach it or a whole bunch of head games start telling you that you’ve failed again. It may seem impossible to most that a woman that has lost over 100 pounds can feel like a failure because she’s gained back 20 pounds but it happens every day. We must learn what really makes us happy in life and what we want will follow. FOLLOW YOUR BLISS! Don’t expect the bad or that’s what you’ll get.

3. Let’s talk about shakes. I know that people that have had bariatric surgery often live on these things for the first few months. I haven’t had the surgery, but I enjoy the unrefined, low sugar shakes I prepare myself as meal replacements. Have any good suggestions or recipes for the kind of highly nutritious shakes bariatric people use?
I actually still drink a shake every morning. It’s super important to put something in your body for breakfast so you won’t throw your body into starvation mode. When you do eat, the body hangs on to those calories like crazy because after sleeping for 8 hours and then waiting hours to eat after waking makes your body think it’s starving. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card. I actually drink MetRX extreme chocolate. I put a lot of ice in it and blend it so it comes out like a chocolate shake…at least as much as I can remember a chocolate shake. There is a great blog called “the world according to Eggface” that has some of the best recipes for weight loss people. Great recipes and a great blog!

4. Talk to us about exercise. I hate exercise. I have a rebounder and that’s the only thing I do; it is excellent. Do you love/hate exercise? What exercise has been the most entertaining for you? What is the most useful for health?
I always hated exercise but I am asked often if I “work out”. I found yoga. Many people automatically assume that yoga is only for people that can bend like a pretzel. For me yoga is like slow dancing by yourself but at the same time you are increasing your range of motion and burning calories. It is said that ten minutes of yoga is as good as an hour on the treadmill. There are great videos online for beginner yoga and there’s a great DVD called “Heavyweight Yoga” that you can get at www.heartfeltyoga.com. I think it’s super important that you find something you like and something that is easy to do. I can do yoga anywhere, anytime. If you absolutely cannot find an exercise you like, then dance! Walk your dog. It has been proven that exercise can be a huge benefit to people that are depressed. Whatever you do, it’s just really important not to “hate” it. If you believe it’s a drag, it will be!

5. What is a typical day of meals and drinks for you?
Well you might be surprised. I have completely changed the way I feel about food. I look at it as fuel. For me I had to not look at food as a sexual experience anymore. If every time we went to fill up with gas there was an ocean breeze (in Texas), dancing naked men (or women), hot music etc…. well you’d be wanting to go get gas again sooner than necessary. I eat as boring as possible because it works for me. I look forward to that shake in the morning and the rest of the day is mostly protein. I try to eat vegetables and fruit in the right amounts. The more water you can drink the better. I actually hate water so I have to put something in it to make it possible for me to drink. There are so many things on the market that you’ll find one you like if you keep looking. I know a lot of people don’t want to hear this answer about boring food but too much food and the wrong food is the substance that makes me an unhappy person. I will not go back to the obese person I was and food can no longer be the end all/be all for me. It is fuel and I cannot afford for it to be the thing I look to for self medication of my anxiety in life. Food is fuel now…no longer a drug.

6. Do you have a favorite “appetite busting” food or drink?
I love these meat sticks called “Ostrim”. You can put them in your car or purse or pocket and it doesn’t matter what temperature they are. When you are out somewhere and you allowed yourself to get so hungry that you’ll eat anything you will certainly mess up. Ostrim meat sticks keep me from going through that drive through when I shouldn’t. They come in 4 flavors and taste great. Being prepared for what you’ll eat each day will keep you out of a lot of trouble in the long run.

7. I gotta ask… when you were fat, did you have really wide feet and a hard time finding shoes to wear? If so, after you lost the weight, did your feet return to a normal width? This is a crisis issue with some fatties I know, including myself. When I got fat I could no longer wear pretty shoes.
I was asked this just the other day. I lost a shoe size but some have reported as much as a size and a half. And yes you can wear those pretty shoes again. I know when I was obese, it was so painful and I really didn’t feel like putting those pretty shoes on my big body. I’ve made up for a lot of lost time now.

8. If someone is considering bariatric surgery, give us a spiel on your best advice for them.
My best advice would be to go online and research people that have succeeded and ask them how. Ask them what they did that make the difference between success and failure. You can find a ton of things for and against anything you research. Some people have lost loved ones due to surgery and they are just as upset as you would expect them to be. You will find blogs telling you that you are an idiot to consider it. For various reasons you will find blogs that say it’s the easy way out.
I also know people who have lost their lives because they were obese…one was a friend of mine. If you have tried and I mean sincerely tried and failed tons of diets, and if you are ready to sincerely put the effort into the lifestyle change, you could be a candidate. Even though it is difficult to believe, you also cannot buy into the belief that when you lose all the weight that your life will be perfect. You must be willing to educate yourself on what’s going on in your head and how you got obese in the first place. Choosing to have weight loss surgery is an extremely personal decision that no one should ever push on someone else. All I can do is live my life as an example and show others what a successful weight loss surgery journey looks like. You are the person that lives in your body so it’s your decision. Just like anything you do in your life that is a major undertaking, talk to those that have been in the trenches. My blog in particular will tell you a lot about what to expect.

9. In your layman’s opinion, what do you think is the best surgery, that is the safest and with the best outcomes?
The best surgery is the one you decide to have. It is important to go to a surgeon that offers all of them. Some want lapband because you can reverse it. Some want something else because they don’t want a foreign body inside them and have to go back for fills. Some don’t want their guts rearranged. That’s why it is so important to talk to your bariatric doctor because he or she is trained to ask those questions so that you can pick what is best for you.
I have known people that have succeeded and failed with every kind of surgery and even though you will see a lot of fighting online about which surgery is the best, that’s between you and your doctor and whether your insurance will cover it or not. Some people do not have insurance and self pay. The thing that is important is believing in the one you pick. Treat it as the miracle it is and show your surgery some respect. If you go in expecting failure, that’s what you’ll get. Don’t let naysayers rent space in your head. There’s always someone that will have something nasty or critical to say. Surround yourself with successful, happy people and you’ll find it easier to be that way.

10. What do you look for in a doctor?
Experience and the way you feel when you talk to him/her. Get feedback from his other patients. I am a member of Obesity Help.com and each member has their doctor’s name under their user name. The doctor’s page has feedback from his patients. Check out how extensive the aftercare program is BUT it is far more important to go to a good doc first. A doc with good marketing could make his program look like a million dollars but that doesn’t tell you how good he is. The proof is talking to other patients and asking a lot of questions.

Stopping the unwanted comments effectively

2009-06-07T16:04:00.000-07:00

I want to continue on to the next step after figuring out that what other people think of us is not our business. (see this post)

http://bariatricgirl.blogspot.com/2009/01/what-others-think-about-us-is-none-of.html

Talane Miedaner shares in her book "Coach yourself to Success" just how to protect yourself gracefully from unpleasant comments. It is a simple four step communication model that helps us build the boundaries that so many of us do not have. After we find out that it doesn't matter what others think of us, this is a system you can use when someone actually speaks to you in a manner they should not. I believe as weight loss surgery patients that we so often have blurred boundaries because instead of correcting the offending statements, we worry instead about why they don't like us.

Here is how to stop behavior in a graceful and effective manner.

1. Inform. "Do you realize that you are yelling? or, "Do you realize that comment hurt me?" or, "I didn't ask for your feedback." If they continue with the unwanted behavior, then take it up to step 2, but only after you've tried step 1.

2. Request. Ask them to stop. "I ask that you stop telling me now" or, "I ask that you only give me constructive feedback." If they still don't get it and the behavior continues, try step 3.

3. Demand or insist. "I insist that you stop yelling at me now." If they still persist, you take it to the next level.

4.Leave. (without any snappy comebacks or remarks). "I can't continue this conversation while you are yelling at me. I am going to leave the room." If you are in a relationship and the other person doesn't change his or her behavior after you've tried this model numerous times, you may need to leave the relationship and/or get a therapist. The people who REALLY love you will respect your boundaries.

The key to using these steps is to say them in a neutral tone of voice. Do not raise your voice up or down. Keep it calm and flat. You are informing the person...just like you would say "The sky is blue".

Let me repeat one of the sentences! The people that really love you will respect your boundaries. If they don't, then it is time to walk around them and continue on your quest for a better life...your ultimate goal.

It doesn't matter whether you've changed their thinking....it matters that you stop the behavior.

After years of being a total wuss I was surprised when I think back to how I applied this system in one area. Remember I am from the south where this happened a little more often. I particularly have a boundary regarding people using a certain derogatory word for a certain race. To me it is disgusting and cruel. Even though I let people walk all over me in every other area, I drew this line in the sand early on. Every one that knows me a little bit knows this about me and guess what? They never say it in front of me. I can't change how they think but I can change their behavior around me. The people that love me respect my boundaries.

Those of us that have not learned how to form these boundaries will possibly find this difficult to do but why would you allow someone to continue to speak to you in an inappropriate way? We have spent years as obese people taking the abuse leveled at us. It's time to stop the insanity.

Next time someone tells you that you took the easy way out, or you've lost TOO much weight, or you will fail, or whatever comments that we often hear....try it. If you don't respect yourself, how to expect others to respect you?

So here's to stopping the insanity! Remember to use the calm voice so that you can stop the critical voices that you've listened to for so long.

Toxic Trauma Drama at the WLS Ranch

2009-03-06T16:20:00.000-08:00

RESPECT...a very important word in life. And here's a couple more...

Compassion, Empathy

Don't we know what these words mean anymore? The fact that so many people simply forego any hint of the golden rule just blows me away. So many dish it out but certainly don't want the same in return. Forums, boards, and blogs are sometimes a vast wasteland of disrespect and anonymous bullying.

The squeaky wheel so often gets the grease because so many boards don't have a lot of structure. It sort of reminds me of the old West...Cowboys and Indians...before Marshall Dillon rode into town...... pretty much whatever you can get away with at the expense of other's feelings just so long as you bulldoze your point through because you have to prove how right you are and how wrong someone else is. It is not a place for the weak at heart....like me.

Yup, go ahead and call me a Pollyanna. I'm just plain worn out from toxic trauma drama on forums, boards, and blogs....well wherever it is.

I'd love for the moderators to put a little icon before each of the applicable threads that says TTD.

As weight loss surgery people we are already very vulnerable and after a lifetime of negativity due to obesity, I don't understand why we must continue to pile more anxiety upon our already stressful lives. The other problem is that it starts (usually) with a post that isn't so bad but it's where it goes that gets dangerous. (sorry Dad for the language but this is a bland representation of reality)

Example-
Alice: I like orange and I can't see why anyone would like red...I mean what are you thinking?

Betty: Well I like orange too but if you like red, you're nuts.

Cheryl: I like red, orange sucks and you can go to hell

Betty: Cheryl, you're a freakin' bitch!

Dawn: Betty you're freakin' bitch because I've liked red longer than anyone so you don't know crap!

Alice: Don't call my friend Betty a bitch and your surgery type sucks too.

Cheryl: You're fat and I'm at goal

Betty: I can lose weight but you can't fix ugly

Truth be told we all have a right to like orange or red. We can agree to disagree. In the meantime a newbie comes to the board looking for some real support, something that might save their life. So....newbie goes away, newbie loses out on good info OR newbie joins in the fun and never figures out how to fight the demons that are the reason for their obesity because they are too busy picking the "right" side. If you HAVE to be right, you HAVE to make someone else wrong.

The other mega fall out is just as potentially harmful. The veterans give up. Why would they want to stay? Their exit is a two fold tragedy. You lose some valuable experience and maybe I'm wrong but I'm thinking you might want someone to hang around that knows something. The other unfortunate part is the fact that veterans lose out on continued education and the all important accountability factor.

Stress causes us to trigger our food addiction (or other addictions) so what do we do?.....we jump right into ramping up the demons. Some people are perfectly unaffected and can play this game but so many are not. I have watched this first hand and I've seen several women sit and eat all day when the toxic trauma drama starts.

Are we our brother's keeper? Maybe...I mean...

I know I can't save the world but I can lead by example and do the best I can to keep my eye on the prize. Each time I take my eye off the prize, I am veering off course...and not walking toward the goal I want more than anything else....and when I participate I also help others veer off course too.

For me...the veterans are the parents in this community and when we fight it is just like the parents arguing in front of the kids. They are already coming in new and vulnerable and when we fight, we just screw them up a little more and feed the monster disease of obesity and addiction.

I'm saying the serenity prayer a little more every day.

If we really understood it, we'd get out of the business of stressing out and getting all pissed off over totally insignificant things that we cannot change. Life isn't fair but there's no use in wasting energy on things we can't change when we still have so much to do to work on ourselves. Since I am no where close to doing it all just right and until I figure out a way to do that, I don't see how I can spend time trying to tell others how to act. I certainly don't appreciate someone telling me how to act so I'm pretty sure no one else likes me to tell them they're doing it all wrong.

And then we have trolls....the ones that do it just to start a fight. We have aggressive trolls, passive/aggressive trolls, famous trolls and anonymous trolls. They start a fight for the fun of it and then everyone gets involved over an issue that was fake in the first place!!

I've been really active on the boards for almost 8 years. I have learned so much in those 8 years and the online support forums have figured out things that some of the bariatric programs haven't even begun to cover.... but for the life of me it is almost more than I can take sometimes when my WLS brothers and sisters start butting heads over things that don't matter.

Call me a dreamer...but I still hold out some hope that it can happen one day...

but until then I'll continue to do my best to offer support and help to those that want it and try my best to avoid the toxic trauma drama.

So fight if you want...but for now I'll just continue to answer to Pollyanna, Goodie Two Shoes, Naive Girl, whatever....

I'll be the one sitting in the corner singing Kum ba yah.

p.s. Here's the great recipe for life that I posted before.

A GREAT RECIPE FOR LIFE...

1.Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Talk to the God of your understanding about what is going on in your life.
3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today. I am thankful for______________'
4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.
9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
12. You are not so important that you have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
17. Forgive everyone for everything.
18. What other people think of you is none of your business.
19. GOD heals everything - but you have to ask Him.
20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!
22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________.
Today I accomplished _________.
24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
25. When you are feeling down, start listing your many blessings. You'll be smiling before you know it.

26. READ 7 AND 14 AGAIN!

Ramon Lopez - another life saved by WLS.

2009-02-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

Many of you know Ramon...

If you don't, allow me to introduce him through...

A post...

A video....

and a show on The Weight Loss Surgery Channel.

I have a few websites and one of them is RYD Obesity. RYD stands for Ramon, Yvonne and Debra...three lives changed forever through weight loss surgery. That might answer a lot of questions for anyone that's confused about the people in the video.

So please take a moment to see the video below and as soon as you can, jump over to The Weight Loss Surgery Channel and see the newest episode of Weight Loss Surgery Journeys.

What others think about us is none of our business

2009-01-20T08:05:00.000-08:00

It's true!

What others think about us IS none of our business.

I was watching Craig Thompson's "90 seconds to success" and he sums that up beautifully here:

90 Seconds to Success - None of Your Business

The following is an excerpt from one of my talks so it's written more like I'm speaking than a blog but I'll leave it as it is. Some of the key points are referenced from Jack Canfield's The Success Principles.

If having others believing in you and your dream was a requirement for success, most of us would never accomplish anything. We need to base our decisions about what we want to do on our goals and desires, not the goals, desires, opinions and judgments of your parents, friends, spouse, children and co-workers. Quit worrying what other people think about you and follow your heart. Most of the time nobody’s thinking about you at all! They are too busy worrying about their own lives and if they are thinking about you at all, they are wondering what you are thinking about them! Think about it….all the time you are wasting worrying about what other people think about your ideas, your goals, your clothes, your hair, and your home could be better spent on thinking about and doing the things that will achieve your goals.

Find someone that has what you want and ask them how they got it. Think enough of yourself to ask questions. All they can say is no…but sometimes they say yes. You never know unless you ask. I never saw anyone as good at this as my friend Ramon. Ramon doesn’t care if a door looks like it is locked. He opens the door anyway. If he goes in the wrong door, he says “I’m sorry” and turns around but you can’t imagine how many doors he’s walked through by doing just that. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by asking. Whenever you ask anyone for anything remember the following.

SWSWSWSW which stands for: some will, some won’t, so what, someone’s waiting. Out there somewhere, someone is waiting for you and your ideas. It is simply a numbers game. You have to keep asking until you get a yes. The yes IS out there waiting.

Never give up on your dream. Perseverance is all important. If you don’t have the desire and the belief in yourself to keep trying after you’ve been told you should quit, you’ll never make it.

Ask, believe and step back and receive.

If I were to list some things I consider important….
Stop black and white thinking. When you have to accept each person in your life either all or not at all, you lose out on so much. You don’t have to marry them….take the good, take the useful things from people you meet in your life. Respect other’s style of life. I could be up here handing you the keys to the kingdom and you decide you don’t like one thing about me and you throw out the baby with the bath water.

Make a sincere grateful list every day. If you need help in thinking of a list, think about the most precious things in your life being yanked away right now. Then imagine getting them handed back to you. Do you think at that moment that you would be worrying about grazing?

Do you remember the hope you had the night before surgery? Some of you are in despair over 20 or 30 pounds when you’ve lost 100, 200 pounds. What is wrong with that picture?
You’re stinkin thinkin. Turn your attitude around. It is (after all) the only thing you can change.

We have been eating to fill a hole in ourselves…we have been looking for “it” and “it” has always existed inside of us. If you look for “it” in other outside things, like perfect weight, the perfect car, the perfect significant other, you are setting yourself up for failure because all of the outside things fade away as soon as you get them. If you never get them, they are always out in the future and you are never living for right now. Right now is all we have. The past is gone, the future is not yet here. You can have every one of those things but if you are not at peace within, if you don’t love and accept yourself, none of it will work to make you truly happy. Nothing outside of us can make us happy. Nothing.

You don’t always have to be right. When you have to be right, someone else has to be wrong. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?

Don’t put someone else down in order to make yourself feel important. In this sick way of thinking everyone has to have someone to look down at to feel positive about themselves. This is the root of all bigotry, racism, sexism and prejudice in the world. True self worth does not come from looking down on anyone or anything else…it comes from awakening to our connection with everyone and everything. We are all precious souls that come from the same place. Granted some are sicker versions than others but when we come across someone who is “sick” we should feel compassion and then turn around and feel grateful that you are further down the road than they are. As long as we are judging and shaming ourselves we are feeding back into the disease, we are feeding the dragon within that is sucking the life out of us.

The goal in recovery it not to become perfect..the goal is to make life an easier, more enjoyable experience. We need to realize that even though our experiences in childhood have caused us to think of ourselves as and feel like lowly caterpillars, we are in truth butterflies who are meant to fly.

We are all butterflies, we are all spiritual beings.

This healing is a long gradual process, the goal is progress not perfection. What we are learning about is unconditional love. Unconditional love means no judgment, no shame.

When I use the term "judge", I am talking about making judgments about our own or other people's beings based on behavior. In other words, I did something bad therefore I am a bad person, I made a mistake therefore I am a mistake. That is what toxic shame is all about. Feeling that something is wrong with our being.... that we are somehow defective because we have human drives, human weaknesses and human imperfections. Our behavior has been dictated by our disease, by our childhood wounds, it does not mean that we are bad or defective as beings. It means that we are human, it means that we are wounded.

You cannot try to be happy....

JUST BE HAPPY.
I call it "going straight to happy". It means that if you start to act happy, happiness will come. It you just sit around and think "I wish I was happy, I need to be happy", it just doesn't work. That's the best explanation I can give for the following phrase:

You cannot think yourself into acting right but you can act your way into right thinking.

Oh how important that is....
Have a blessed day and look inside and find the happiness that has been waiting to be released.
I think I hear Bobby McFerrin singing right now...."Don't worry, be happy"

Don't worry, don't worry, don't do it.Be happy.
Put a smile on your face.
Don't bring everybody down.
Don't worry. It will soon pass, whatever it is.
Don't worry, be happy.I'm not worried, I'm happy..

Sing it Bobby....

The WLS Channel adds the WLS News!

2009-01-18T07:16:00.000-08:00

January 2, 2009...another day that is significant in my weight loss journey. The Weight Loss Surgery Channel launched the WLS News and I am excited!

Check out the video!

There's much more to follow!! I hope you'll check out the Weight Loss Surgery Channel and all the incredible information (and shows).

Weight Loss Surgery Channel

My show with Debra Flores

My show with Gaye Tindel

The Weight Loss Surgery News

WOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Blessings, Yvonne

Obesity Help Los Angeles - Celebrating Ten Years

2008-11-20T16:57:00.000-08:00

On January 16th, 2001 I joined Obesity Help. Aftercare was a little understood concept when I had weight loss surgery so I was very fortunate to have stumbled across this site. Obesity Help was started in 1998 by Eric Klein. Ten years and approximately 600,000 grateful members later, I am proud to be one of them and thankful for the education and support of friends I would never have met otherwise.

On October 31st we met in Los Angeles to celebrate those ten years....and celebrate we did! It all began with a Halloween party and the costumes were big fun.

Here's a few!

It never hurts to be photographed next to the tallest and hottest blonde (Laura Preston) at the party!

And the Click girls!

And the winners of the costume party!

We had a cheerleader that got back into her uniform for the first time in years, a trophy wife, a devilish woman and a Sarah Palin look alike.

The next morning I kicked off the meeting and special thanks to Melting Mama for the picture.

There was an incredible woman at the event named Kim that told me she was inspired by me. I don't remember her stats exactly but she previously weighed over 300 pounds. This is a picture of us below. Doesn't she look incredible??

I was honored to speak at the event and as I looked out at those in the chairs before

me, I can't help but worry who will be missing five years from now...or four..

or three. Each person is a precious soul trying to save their life and I can only hope that those chairs will be filled by the same precious souls next year. On that same note, I fully expect to be standing in front of those souls talking about my passion...and the miracle that was given to me.

So thanks Obesity Help for ten years of changing people's lives...

one at a time...

including mine.

Here's hoping you'll be around another ten years.

Love and kisses,

Yvonne McCarthy

aka Bariatric Girl

I can never get the text to line up with the pictures so the bees are Debra Flores and Ramon Lopez, second row left is Melting Mama and Sarah followed by Rusty in the horns.

To see all the pictures posted from the event, please CLICK HERE!

The Weight Loss Surgery Channel Launches!!

2008-11-07T17:11:00.000-08:00

November 1, 2008.
A day that will live in infamy…. well for me anyway…as it applies to my weight loss surgery life.

What happened you may ask?
Well, even if you didn’t ask, you know I’m going to tell you.

I was in Los Angeles, California attending the ten year anniversary event for ObesityHelp.com and I received the news the Weight Loss Surgery Channel had officially launched. The secret is out!

A few months ago I was contacted by Craig Thompson and his wife Leslie regarding a new site they created for us...the weight loss surgery masses. How awesome that I would be priviledged enough to talk to WLS post-ops on camera about their weight loss surgery journeys. Craig is a seasoned post-op veteran himself and he is certainly the only person I know who is eleven years out. (He had weight loss surgery 11 years ago)

After understanding Craig and Leslie's vision we went straight to work finding WLS post-ops that had stories to share. To say the experience was awesome would be the understatement of the century. Craig has provided a platform for the ultimate resource for WLS success education....learning from the journeys of others that have traveled this road before you.

I am a firm believer that if you want to learn how to succeed at anything, you should seek out those who have gone before you and ask them how. This belief has served me well and I hope you will join me and my guests talking about their stories on Weight Loss Surgery Journeys.

To see this labor of love....

Weight Loss Surgery Journeys on the Weight Loss Surgery Channel. The first show is with my dear friend Debra Flores....an incredible woman who had a tough time with a VBG but got it all straightened out with revision surgery.

A special thanks to Craig and Leslie Thompson for inviting me to be part of their vision.

Oh, and make sure to check out all the programs on the site. Much more to follow on this!

Blessings,
Bariatric Girl

p.s.On the next post I promise to share my experiences and pictures from the Obesity Help Los Angeles ten year anniversary event!

When I was obese....

2008-10-13T20:23:00.000-07:00

When I was obese....

When I WAS obese....

When I was OBESE....

I was a photographer, musician and artist.

No one saw the photographer, musician or artist.

They saw obesity.
-Yvonne McCarthy

I read Possibility Girl on the internet. I thought it was thought provoking so I wanted to share it.

Possibility Girl
Everyone thinks Possibility Girl is possibly a genius. Any day now, they continually agree, Possibility Girl will make it big. Become a star. ‘You won’t forget us when you're famous, will you?’ they always say, as Possibility Girl begins yet another amazing project.
The only person, who doesn’t believe in Possibility Girl's possible genius, is Possibility Girl herself. She thinks they're being too kind. She isn’t gifted at all. She’s a fake genius, bluffing her way through life. She is convinced the moment she tries to actually achieve her full potential, she will fail, fall flat on her face, and the people that once admired her from afar, will admire her no more. And so Possibility Girl never actually achieves anything. She just sits on the edge of her possible glory and basks in the adulation of her potential.
-Andre Jordan

Following my Bliss...

2008-09-23T13:48:00.000-07:00

This may be the busiest time of my life in recent years. Be careful what you ask for....right?

The truth is that it is all relative and it is only when you put it in perspective that you realize you are not really busy at all. Busy is when you are making time to get chemo....or fighting to return to some type of normal life, living in Galveston when your home has been blown away.

In the midst of this flurry of activity I had made myself a reminder to go to the Plano Balloon Festival. It had been 4 years since I had been and was anxious to take my camera. Kevin didn't want any part of those crowds and I didn't blame him so I went all by myself. As I was sitting in this incredibly dense crowd on a hillside, there was a "lit" couple next to me but they were having a great time. Slightly in front of me was another couple in their mid 30's I suspect and she was obviously mad because he looked my way. My typical reaction was as usual a feeling of guilt and I felt sorry for them.

Many years ago, I was that woman so I know what she was feeling. When you are no longer confident about yourself or your significant other, any women in the immediate area is no good.

I realized that I was playing those old tapes...finding a way to feel badly for my existence. Then, just like in the movies, it happened. Suddenly I was all alone and even with thousands of people around, I was the only one there.

Finally I got it...I am not responsible for anyone's feelings except my own. I have no control over anyone except myself. FREEDOM!

The skydiver guys started coming in right over my head. It was awesome.

I got a chance to do some things that I haven't had a chance to do in a while and that was to people watch.

Below is the photograph of a woman in the crowd.

She was absolutely beautiful and I wanted to make something from this photograph and I realized that it is truly one of the things I love to do.

I know I need to follow my bliss but sometimes it's really hard to figure out exactly what my bliss is.
Finally it is slowly sinking in.
I love my art.
I love taking photographs and creating something that is totally not there.

I think I would love to do this for women that have just lost a bunch of weight and are just starting to feel good about themselves for the first time....

I did take several balloon pictures and if you'd like to see those, you can see them in my gallery on my photography site here:

Plano Balloon Festival

Enjoy!
Follow your bliss...and the rest will come!

The Biggest Loser

2008-09-16T18:18:00.000-07:00

As I sit here and watch "The Biggest Loser", I feel so many different emotions. Not even knowing where to start, I suppose I'll begin with how they showed each person the age of their body inside....versus their actual age. Each contestant looked appropriately shocked. As I look back on the many years I was morbidly obese, I was appropriately shocked every day but there was absolutely NOTHING you could have told me that would have made me want to lose weight any more than I already did. Scaring me thin just wasn't possible. I wanted to be thin so badly that I would have sold my soul....and that's pretty scary.

I tried it....

ALL...

Problem #2

When the weight is lost on the show, what will be done to keep the weight off? If only I had a actual number of total pounds lost in my life. Of course whatever it was, I still ended up at 260 the night before surgery.

OK, I know. Somehow I manage to remember that it is TV. This is where everything departs from reality...even reality TV.

On to the real stuff.

Yesterday Debra wanted pictures made of her grandchildren. If you don't know who Debra is, go to http://www.rydobesity.com/. Of course I'd do anything for Debra but I'm glad she asked because I received so much joy out of giving her something that would bring joy to her. This is her granddaugher.

Debra said that if I had seen pictures of her when she was a baby...they would have been twins.

Debra also cracks me up because she calls her grandchildren by nicknames. This beautiful little girl is called "Chubs". Adorable!!

It gets funnier though because she has a grandson too. He's just as much of a cutie as Chubs is.

This is Stromboli. Adorable again.

I never had kids so I can only imagine a little what it's like for Debra to have grandchildren. Even better though...

Debra will be able to watch those kids grow up and take them to all the places she couldn't go when she was obese.

Way to go Debra! You are definitely one of the cutest grandmas out there girlfriend.

Thanks for "inviting" me to take their pictures because it reminded me of some of the beautiful things there are in this life....and it reminded me of the magic of photography.

Will they ever see this?

Perhaps...

but only if they do a search for Chubs and Stromboli.

blessings, Yvonne

p.s. I finally got some of the site up. You can see that at http://www.bariatricgirl.com/

Spent the morning with Granny Whiddon’s Angel Trumpets …if she could see me now.

2008-08-26T15:36:00.000-07:00

One of my fondest memories as a child was Granny Whiddon’s garden.
Don’t ask me how… but I scored some Angel Trumpet seeds that were from 1980, and I planted them a couple of years ago. As it rarely turns out, the Angel Trumpets seem to like Dallas, Texas far better than Jackson, Mississippi or north Louisiana. Every year my plants get bigger and bigger. Their technical name brought up all kinds of stuff on the internet because apparently some people eat the seeds to hallucinate. Angel Trumpets are also called Datura and if you wish to Google it, there’s a horrible story about what a German teenager did to himself after making “tea” and drinking it. It involved an emergency room visit and a couple of things that could not be reattached to his body. In fact if you don’t do it just right, you’ll die…. so you can bet I am one careful gardener when I get them on my hands.

This morning there were so many blooming that I HAD to take pictures and video. I have to share these shots because they are beautiful.

I thought about granny’s life and what it must have been like. Fretting over computers, blog content, and photographic quality were not part of her daily routine. My grandfather was much older than she was and he was actually in the Mississippi House of Representatives. He was a very stern man and didn’t say much at all but when he did talk, he called us “fellas” (this included the girls). My grandmother cooked as well as she gardened and I cannot imagine explaining weight loss surgery to her. I assume she never tried to diet even if she needed to and I laugh when I remember her telling me that she only read the Bible, biblical magazines and The National Enquirer. Many times I told her that National Enquirer wasn’t true but she just laughed and read them anyway.

So here are some pictures of the flowers…

from the seed....

that Granny Whiddon had many years ago.

What a strange long trip this has all been but it is what brought me here…to the beautiful place I am right now...

with Granny Whiddon's Angel Trumpets.

Unrealistic Expectations?? Is that fair??

2008-08-04T09:56:00.000-07:00

As I have said many times, the weight loss surgery field is so very new and EVERYONE is learning new stuff every day. It isn't that the people in charge are bad people....they are learning just like everyone else is but somewhere, sometime back in WLS prehistoric times, someone thought it was a good idea to tell you not to have unrealistic expectiations.

Digging into my deepest core feelings, I said "I don't think that's good!"

Here are the reasons....

It all started when I heard a bariatric doc say that we should not have unrealistic expectations. He said not to expect to get to the weight you were when you married.

What if you got married three years ago? My brain interpreted it this way. "Ok little fat girl...we know you are less than and can't do things we regular people can do."

Granted... this is more than unfair because it was what I heard. For me, it was comparable to telling the "fat girl" that she could only make a C on the test instead of an A.

I am currently at the exact weight I was at my very smallest in college (35 years ago). I starved myself for two years just to be thin.

When I was challenged by my teachers in school, I performed. I had one teacher that seated us according to our grades. If you made an A on the last report card, you sat at the front table. Guess where I was sitting??

The front table.

My dad was really strict but I only had to make a C to maintain my privileges and that's pretty much what I made if I was uninterested or unchallenged in class.

When I went to college I had the priviledge of choosing my classes and because I loved music and the courses I took, I was on the dean's list. I knew I could do it if I wanted to. I also knew I could do this weight loss surgery and succeed. Believing it from the very beginning, knowing it was the answer was all I needed to make it happen. That's a subject for another blog entry but for now I wanted to address this unrealistic expectation concept.

I don't know if it's the same for others as it was for me, but telling me I couldn't do something was probably not the way to go for someone who was pretty sure she was a failure because of obesity. Being a master and always first in line to beat myself up, I could do a bang up job all by myself. Perhaps it is because of the quote below.... that I put so much stock into what we have to say....the people who have walked this path.

"No one can lead you down a path that they haven't been."

I look forward to the day that we as patients can contribute to the programs designed for us because we have so much to offer and I'm ecstatic when there are professionals that totally get what's going on with us. It seems to be getting better every day!

Below you'll see the video that chronicles the changes in my life due to weight loss surgery.

Wow....what a joy to be "Living My Life!"
hugs and blessings, Yvonne
aka Bariatric Girl

Without WLS this would have never happened!

2008-07-28T06:52:00.000-07:00

This will be a reoccurring theme in this blog because after all, it is about the positive side of weight loss. Stuff I have done, stuff I can do, stuff that has happened because weight loss surgery made it possible. Believe me...I am well aware that my brain had to follow but it was because I was able to get to a manageable size that I allowed me to try some things that I would have never done. This will explain what led up to winning the contest mentioned in my previous post.

A couple of months ago I was standing in Starbucks and saw a poster on the bulletin board. It said Cesar dog food was hosting a small dog contest at the mall near me. Online there were details about the only two mall contests and one of them was in Dallas!

My first reaction was "I want to do this!" Of course there was a bit of "stinkin thinkin" going on.

Sundance came into our lives because of a wonderful woman named Vicki that fostered him when he showed up at a shelter with an atrophied leg that had to be amputated. You can see a video here.

Sundance's video

OK so there's another one.
Sundance's other video

So continuing with stinkin thinkin process.....
What would they want with a 3 legged dog and 50 something woman?
You can dress girl dogs up with hundreds of accessories.
What would I dress him in?
Would he even wear it?
Why do I question myself?

It doesn't cost a thing to participate except some time. I'm in!

I found a very inexpensive hat and t-shirt for him and then splurged on a leather vest for me. The rules didn't give you much of a hint on whether the "person" was supposed to dress up too so I went for it.

When I arrived there was literally a red carpet and something like 6 to 8 photographers that were shooting pictures...flashes going off everywhere. This is one of the shots they took.

It was really hot outside and I had no idea that we would have our picture made right away but I had put it into motion and there was no going back.

As I walked up to the line there were 25 people with dogs ahead of me.

Cute dogs and cute people.

I recall seeing this woman that worked at the mall and she formed her lips perfectly so that I could understand her words even though I couldn't hear her. She said "You should win" and smiled at me. That alone was enough return on my investment for the dressing up, worrying about Sundance and worrying about my thought process that got me there.

As I approached the stage I was asked why I thought Sundance was a star. Explaining his former life and how difficult it was made him a star in my eyes. I told them his life had become a fairy tale now and the hardest thing he's had to do since he's been with us is to wear that hat. I guess it worked.

Now the important part.

Yes it happened because of the weight loss surgery but the procedure alone was not the total answer. My plumbing was rearranged so that I could get to a manageable size to do the things that I could not before. After losing that weight I had to do "surgery" on my brain. That was definitely the hardest part but only because it is a bone of contention among the bariatric pros. Many programs, various information...but nothing concrete. The field is new and I believe most of us are stumbling around in the dark...desperately looking for an answer to keep the weight off. That was truly the issue in the first place wasn't it?

In future posts I will address what has worked for me. It slips out in most of what I write but the very first and most important issues is to stop blaming, shaming and judging.

Do I mean others? yep...but most of all quit doing it to yourself.

There's a great quote from Robert Burney. He says that the battlecry for people like me is "I'll show you, I'll get me!" When we do these horrible things to ourselves we only hurt the one beautiful soul we are responsible for. ME!

So my challenge to you....for just today. Go 24 hours without shaming, blaming and judging yourself or anyone else. In fact if you come into contact with someone that is absolutely awful, feel pity for them but do not judge them. Again when you are so adept at doing it to others, you will also be adept at doing it to yourself.

Oh ye of little faith, do not condemn something prior to investigation! It is a sure way to continue to walk in the dark cruel world of obesity. I am free! At least for this very moment because we cannot be perfect but we CAN get better every day.

I was already ahead of the game because I did not have a cruel word for anyone but I made up for it in terms of how I talked to myself. I quit that just about the time this little contest came along and look where it got me. It allowed me to be the person I should have always been.

A trophy, some incredible prizes, a chance for a grand prize (to be announced in October) and a beautiful dog and family. Those external things don't make me happy....the happiness comes from within.

In the past I did it backwards. Wanting things to make me happy. Now I am happy and things are coming to me every single day that are beyond anything I ever expected.

Moderation in all things....BALANCE!

2008-07-20T06:22:00.000-07:00

I was concerned when I started this blog. I wanted more quality than quantity and I didn't need added stress in my life to be a stellar blogger every single day. With only 7 years under my belt in this new life, I am still learning life lessons as a thin person and believe me....they are totally different than obese life lessons.

Today as I was walking my beautiful boy Sundance (my three legged dog), I was pondering the seemingly prevalent issue of control in the weight loss surgery community. Just like a bulimic that cannot control anything but the food, I see control issues and addictions. As I raise my right hand and put my left hand on the Bible....yes...that includes me. As I fought obesity and did everything known to man to lose the weight, I controlled everything else in my life because I could. Learning to let go is a HUGE mountain to climb but of course the only way you can do that is to put one foot in front of the other and just climb the damn thing. When I figured out that I really cannot do anything about the past...when I REALLY figured it out....it freed me further from the prison of obesity. Saying it and doing it are two totally different things and since there is no such thing as perfection, I can only hope that I am making progress.

I have had the honor of speaking at several large gatherings of weight loss surgery groups and when I said that I had to be careful at learning to do new things, I was being totally honest. Learning something new or getting a "high" from a new activity can set something in motion that can get out of control. As I have said many times, I believe we are all addicted and that doesn't make us a bad boy or girl. It is what it is so you carry on and try your best to put one foot in front of the other and do it all in moderation. Too much of anything is not good for anyone. Of course keeping that in check is the magic pill isn't it? As I watch many precious souls in our community, I see so many go from food to something else. In the past I thought as long as it wasn't drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, or shopping...well..that was all good. I realize now that no matter what the "high" becomes that it can be detrimental to us. Geez...you'd think that getting the weight off and not getting involved in DAGSS (drugs,alcohol, gambling,sex, shopping) that it would be OK. Hey, I created an acronym!

Anyway, as I am fond of saying sometimes.... I have seen some stuff man. Naming these addictions doesn't matter but whatever it is that we do too much of, I believe we are chasing a high. The question is whether that it will hurt us or not. I'm not a doctor and don't play one of TV but I have to believe that we must be cognizant of this. Not being able to leave our house for long or not being able to go on vacation because of our "activity" may be an indication it has gotten out of hand. As I turn the attention to myself, I wonder what would qualify as my problem area? Perhaps it is my zest for finding the answers to why we do this to ourselves. In a matter of a few weeks I got many answers for this question in the form of 4 or 5 books that just landed in my lap at once.

One of the simplest lessons was when we look to external things for happiness, we are doomed. We absolutely set ourselves up to be a victim. Really? Guilty as charged your honor! Let's see....how does this list start?

When I lose the weight, my life will be PERFECT!

oops...no?

It's not perfect? OK, then what's next? I know! I'll talk in front of lots of people and tell them about it. Then life will be perfect because I'm spreading the word.

oops...no.

The problem is that when you are talking to these precious souls that know that obesity makes their life unbearable for so many reasons, they see nothing else but perfection when the weight comes off. How do you tell them they are setting themselves us to be victims of yet another disappointment?

I know this now....happiness comes from within.

Easy enough to say...hard to figure out sometimes. Given the promise by several sources, I put this into action and to say that this disbelieving Bariatric Girl was shown the light is an understatement.

I hope soon I will do a blog entry called "straight to happiness". I MUST look within to happiness and go straight there. I cannot use external stuff to do it. I MUST have balance and moderation in my life so as I stand here like the scales of justice....I have a little bird on each side and one tells me "I'm getting too far down....raise me back up!"

It is amazing how well it's working for me. I am one grateful woman for all the new information pouring in.

On a totally different note.... this would fall under things that would have never happened in a million years when I was obese. Last month I entered a contest with a couple hundred other people at a mall in Dallas. It involved small dogs and their owners. My sweet boy Sundance has three legs because he was left to run the streets for a year with a broken leg by his former owner. The leg atrophied and had to be amputated. His foster mom Vicki took him in and picked my husband and I to give him his fur-ever home. Sundance (formerly known as Kevin's dog) was wearing a Harley Davidson cap and I was wearing a leather vest. My very first Harley Davidson leather vest....

Can you guess the rest?

First place BABY!!

I looked within for that happiness....and learning from the love of my sweet dog that it is more important than the trophy, the win, the prizes, or even the Harley Davidson leather vest!

Ask Sundance if his life is good without that leg. He doesn't have a clue he's physically challenged. I considered cutting the legs off his four legged toys so he'd adjust quicker...

KIDDING!

Happiness within....

Everything else that happens is icing on the cake.

Blessings to you in your journey,

Yvonne

and Sundance

Letter to my fat self...just before surgery.

2008-07-05T07:37:00.000-07:00

This is a letter to my formerly fat self...just before surgery.

Dear Bariatric Girl (2001),

I know you've tried it all....

every diet on earth...

every trick....

lost and gained hundreds and hundreds and hundreds...

did I say hundreds??

of pounds.

You're about to get an opportunity to finally succeed. (I'm not kidding)

Don't be afraid, I know you think you'll fail just like EVERY SINGLE TIME BEFORE! This time it's going to work. Be prepared for weird stuff from friends and even family. Some friends will go away because you no longer are the holder of the "fattest friend trophy". Believe me, when you give that trophy to someone else, they will do all kinds of stuff to stop you.

It's a fact. You were always the holder of the trophy but you aren't anymore and believe me, no one else wants it.

So after you give that trophy away, things are going to move fast. People will talk to you that never saw you before. Make sure and appreciate it. Don't go to the dark side and resent the fact that you weren't spoken to while fat. You are part of the reason that happened anyway because you felt so bad about yourself and you were sure no one wanted to talk to you.

Respect and nurture your surgery. Follow the rules.

Duh......

Doesn't that seem like a no brainer? I can't tell you how many stories I've heard about people that just decide they don't need to take their vitamins. Things like failing kidneys and teeth falling out do not compliment your newly thin body. I'm not trying to scare you, it's important and it's a simple thing to do every day. No matter how good you feel, do NOT stop taking your vitamins.

PERIOD!!

That's a pretty simple trade for not being obese.

Vitamins? or Obesity?

Easy answer.

Never forget where you came from.

Take those pictures and do whatever it takes for you to never forget how you felt the day before surgery. Understand that you will be making a lifestyle change because your lifestyle was the reason you got yourself in that spot. Granted, it started many years ago but gradually you got yourself in big trouble with food and it became your friend ....

and your enemy.....

Understand that it is easy to keep chasing the high (another post will be dedicated to that). You're giving up the "high" of food. In exchange, the first year you will get the "high" from losing weight and it's gonna be GREAT! When the honeymoon period is over, you better be prepared for finding something to help deal with your anxiety. Using food isn't allowed anymore so I suggest you find something to take your mind off the "high". It is an easy thing to slide right into shopping or sexual addiction because you are smaller for the first time in ages and those new clothes and how you look in them can be intoxicating.

Talking about intoxicating...

You might feel more like being social and doing some partying so be careful on the alcohol consumption. It's not good on a number of levels but again...if you haven't dealt with your need for your "highs" and how you handle anxiety, you could get in trouble. I suggest that as you lose your weight that you get involved in support of some kind so that people can hold you accountable in case you start to get out of hand.

Also know that people will think you took the easy way out and that you didn't do it the old fashioned way. That's OK...it doesn't matter. None of it matters...just do your thing. The reality of it all is that you can only control what you do...you cannot do a thing about anybody else. Well one thing you can do is avoid the people that keep bringing negative crap into your life. Haven't you had enough?

Just show them by example that you are saving your life and go ahead and enjoy it!

The great news...

you're gonna do it this time!

As I like to say very often, I've caged the monster of obesity but I have to check the lock on the cage every single day.

So...note to self....you're about to have a life you could have never imagined and I'll check back with you and write another letter at the ten year mark. All I can say is that the first seven have been phenomenal!

So again....

Congrats and enjoy...

Have a good time but keep checking that lock on that cage.

Damn, I can't believe you did it this time....

Love and kisses,

Bariatric Girl 2008

Can this really change your life? Yes!!

2008-06-25T08:45:00.000-07:00

Can weight loss surgery really change your life???

Let me count the ways!

You may or may not be aware of what "they say" about how someone who emerges from alcoholism has to learn to grow up socially because they checked out when the disease takes hold of their life. It is much the same for many of the obese. When you and others decide that you are unworthy of taking part in the real world you are often left alone to your own devices and are not exposed to normal life lessons. Not every obese person isolates but I believe most do because we have condemned ourselves to a self loathing prison. Many obese people are absolutely sure that when they walk in a room that EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the room has seen them and commented about how big they are. Of course this isn't true but it comes with the job. I was an expert at isolation at the end of my fat life....I went to work and Wal-Mart because I could get food and clothes in one spot. The thought that someone might recognize me and the shame associated with it was too much to bear. With that in mind it meant that I did not take part in the every day activities that so many people take for granted.

In 2002 my husband bought me my first bathing suit in 30 years....you would have thought it was the Hope Diamond. I dreaded pool parties and I had a running joke that I'd never been in a hot tub because the last time I was thin enough to get in one they weren't invented yet. One of the most common fears is that you'll be the one they show on the 10pm news when they run footage during obesity stories.

When I lost the weight I began to do things that I hadn't done in 30 years. Many years ago you could just mention "going to water ski" and I would have jumped up and down until you let me go. I was really good too so what was one of the first things I jumped at after weight loss surgery? You bet cha!

Just like riding a bicycle...

And then there were some new things that again hadn't really been invented yet the last time I was even close to thin. I know the people thought I was nuts in the sporting goods store but that wasn't a first and probably won't be the last. I asked for roller blades!

When you start this catching up thing that we do when we get this new life, it moves at light speed. I have done more in the last 7 years than I've done in all my life before. You can do what you believe you can do. It makes me sad when someone has this surgery and says "It's too late for that." Are you kidding me? You are as old as you feel. It's a cruel trick our brains play on us. We are living longer than ever before! If you decide that you are old at 50 then you'll be old. Since we are living longer than ever, that's middle aged now.

I missed out on so much....so very much. It is in the past and cannot be changed. Today is all I truly have so there is much catching up to do.

In the weight loss community we have terms.

pre-op = someone who hasn't had the surgery
newbie = someone who recently had the surgery
post-op = someone who has had the surgery
veteran = someone who is a few years out
WLS = weight loss surgery
Onederland = someone who had lost 100 pounds
the other side = crossed over to the other side (after surgery). We like to say the losing side
Honeymoon period = first year or so after surgery

There are many more. Newbies often have a tough time because life changes so quickly and you're on a massive high. This massive high helps you deal with the fact that you are no longer getting high on food. Your hormones go crazy, you are feeling better than ever and you might make life choices that are not good for you. You might end up drinking too much or you might feel sexy for the first time in a long time....or ever. Oh man...have I seen some things! Because you are changing so radically you need to have a system to keep you in check. I'm not kidding because I swear you'll think something is a really good idea at the time and when you look back on it later, you wonder who on earth was that person? I think it would be a great idea to stay out of all new relationships for at least a year. Unfortunately this life changing surgery is still poorly understood. The operation itself is like someone handing you a hammer and a nail and telling you to build the new you. This would be the "tool" analogy. You are given a tool and it's just like Michealangelo sculpting a beautiful statue but when he's done, it's your time to take over....to start over from scratch. You have to function just like any thin person.

I personally believe that you have to eat as boring as possible. Eat to live...not live to eat. During the honeymoon period you can either party like a crazy person because life is so freakin phenomenal or you can retrain yourself because it is easiest at this point. When the honeymoon period is over you will no longer lose weight easily and that high will lose some of it's strength. You have to plan for that.

The day I had surgery I made the conscious choice that I had drank my very last Coke. My friends didn't say "Oh my God, you're getting your guts rearranged!"
They pulled their stock from Coca-Cola.
I was addicted.
I tried quiting but then I'd have a real Coke and it was just like....ummmm..... sex.
Because I retrained myself I don't miss it,
don't crave it,
don't even remember what it tastes like.

Early mantra:
NOTHING TASTES AS GOOD AS BEING THIN FEELS!!

You cannot just say it...you must mean it and you must remind yourself every day just exactly what that means. You have to stay in touch with yourself and others in this process. You have to know that newbies will very likely do some strange stuff.... sometimes even the newbies don't grow up and keep doing strange stuff. You have to learn to avoid the things that cause anxiety in your life so that stress is kept to a minimum.

Anxiety=Stress=reaching for coping mechanism

It's real scary sometimes but because anything worth doing isn't easy, you have to make up your mind.... but it isn't impossible. Everyone thinks they will fail and some do. It's just like having a baby. Prepare and educate yourself. Find people that are doing it the way you like and ask them how to do it.

Avoid people that tell you crappy things. It's about them - NOT YOU! Walk toward the good...walk toward the light because the shortest way to anywhere is a straight line.

See your goal out there????
Face it and proceed directly,
do not pass GO,
do not collect $200.

I look at my speedometer...
it says light speed.

I could have been in People Magazine...like 20 times!

2008-06-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

It ALWAYS bothers me when I see the People Magazine issues that say "REAL" weight loss stories. Of course REAL means no surgery was involved. I wish I could see follow up stories on each one of these real women. I'm guessing that most of them have gained some or all of their weight back....only because it's not hard to lose it.....it's hard to keep it off. If People Magazine had caught me at the right time, I could have been one of those real women too. I've been a real woman weight loss person so many times that I have lost count. As a matter of fact, I've lost at least 1000 pounds....just not in the same year.

I did see one other story (buried and small) about life saving gastric bypass.

Here's that link

Of course they had to add the bit about the woman that died. Interestingly enough when someone writes or blogs negatively about weight loss surgery, they don't want to address the danger of being morbidly obese. As the surgery becomes safer they are digging hard for something else to complain about. Now it seems many are talking about WLS being so bad due to malabsorption. That means that you have to take extra vitamins so that you get enough nutrients.

Hmmmm....a choice.

Be obese? Take vitamins for the rest of my life?

I'll sign up to take vitamins!

According to JAMA, obesity is the second leading cause of death.

JAMA article

In short it says this:

Main Outcome Measures
Actual causes of death.

Results
The leading causes of death in 2000 were tobacco (435 000 deaths; 18.1% of total US deaths), poor diet and physical inactivity (400 000 deaths; 16.6%), and alcohol consumption (85 000 deaths; 3.5%). Other actual causes of death were microbial agents (75 000), toxic agents (55 000), motor vehicle crashes (43 000), incidents involving firearms (29 000), sexual behaviors (20 000), and illicit use of drugs (17 000).

I'm thinking that if you're armed...
a bad driver....
use drugs and alcohol....
smoke and eat too much....
your outlook isn't good.

When you are morbidly obese there are so many things that can go wrong with your health. Do you know that chances of getting cancer are higher? There's a technical explanation ....... easy enough to look up.

You'd think cancer would scare the hell out of an obese person but if you think that's all it takes, you don't know this disease very well. It's a lot like someone telling an alcoholic to stop drinking for the sake of his children. Yeah...like that's all it takes.

Will power right?

NOT!

Some day I'll post all the stuff I did to lose weight. When I was filling out forms before surgery, I had to list all the diets I had tried. This is the truth....I did the equivalent of "google" at the time and I only had to delete a couple. A few of the diets weren't even listed and one of the doctors I went to in Mississippi actually went to jail. I never tried any needles because of fear but the "wanting" was there. When I found out about the surgery I would have given up a toe or two if necessary. Sandals just weren't that important.

Diets don't work and I could go into a long explanation but I'll save it for another day. Surgery won't work if you don't make some changes. You have to correct some things that caused you to become obese in the first place. In the future I wish People Magazine would do a cover on real women that lost weight (doesn't matter how) and kept it off for...oh... five years let's say.

I'd have a shot at that cover (and it's been 7 years)....and it might look something like this.

Addiction! Pay attention...

2008-06-09T08:22:00.000-07:00

It sorta hit me today that it is really difficult to explain what lies in the future for the weight loss patient. Some people take years to research the surgery and then there are hasty ones (like me) that decided in fifteen minutes! I have explained many times that I didn't care if I died during weight loss surgery because I was so miserable that I didn't want to live. I had just lost my mom a few months before and was deeply depressed.

Regardless of how long you took to make the decision, when you have the surgery you are ready to get that weight off quickly! How can we not believe that our lives will become magically perfect? It seems an impossible task to actually get this across because we are brutally aware (as an obese person) just how difficult life is. Carry one hundred extra pounds on your body for a week straight and it will take a toll. On top of that you are treated much differently than the "normal" person.

When I first became thin I was really hyper aware of how many people would speak to me that would have never even noticed me before. Deciding that I must move on and not resent them was one of the best decisions I ever made. I felt like I had so much negativity in my life as an obese person...why would I want even a little bit more?

I think losing weight is sort of like getting something new in your life. It doesn't matter if you think about getting a new toy when you were a kid or as an adult. At first this "new" thing is exciting but when you've seen it every day for a period of time, it's just not as exciting. This happens with your weight loss after surgery so we call it the "honeymoon period". About the time you are feeling like "is that all there is?" you better start looking for a new toy. It isn't quite that simple but I'm saying that we need to find the joy of life and be proactive in our recovery from obesity. I totally believe the reason we do so well during the honeymoon period is because it is a new "high". We have switched from food to a new life. What happens when the honeymoon period is over?

If we haven't dealt with why we were obese in the first place, we will reoffend and if you don't return to food, you might pick something else that's bad juju.

"If you don't learn....you will return."
quote by me

I'd love for you to read an article in Psychology Today.

CLICK HERE FOR ARTICLE

Good info regarding what it takes to elevate dopamine release. I've also read that music helps as well.

With all the opportunities available on the internet or in your community, there are plenty of things to choose from to give new attention to. We are just starting to understand this thing...this weight loss journey we take....and if you are reading this and you don't think addiction is part of it, check out a list like "the top ten characteristics of addiction" and there's one term that always makes the list.

You'll always see denial...so before you deny, make sure and learn as much as you can about this obesity thing or you might be right back to where you started.

Denial...
not just a river in Egypt.

Suicide after weight loss surgery

2008-06-04T07:17:00.000-07:00

There are always studies being done. Sometimes you don't even know exactly what the study includes. I am always looking for data regarding weight loss surgery and it amazes me when "studies" are done and someone who knows little about the life of a WLS patient comes to a conclusion. I'm not complaining...I'm just saying that when I read the results of a story published (see link below) I want to scream that I know something about that!

http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/10/17/a-tragic-risk-of-weight-loss-surgery/

The study talks about a higher suicide rate after weight loss surgery. They talk about drug overdoses too. Well duh....

I have to speak from my experience and since I have been a member of Obesityhelp.com for over 7 years, I have had many occasions to talk to several hundred members in various stages of their journeys. I totally believe that we are food addicts and guess what happens when you take away our drug of choice? If we are not properly educated we will find another. The other issue to take into account is the honeymoon period. (The year or so after weight loss surgery is the honeymoon period) The first year after weight loss surgery we are on a new "high" because no matter what we do....pretty much.... you are losing weight! WOOOO HOOOOO!!! The party is on. That is a most critical time because if you don't use that time to retrain yourself to eat differently, you will most likely fail. I have a saying...

If you don't learn, you will return.

I have seen many people carry on as usual (no changing of lifestyle) and when the honeymoon party is over they crash. At this point they seem to have a few choices. They can make the lifestyle change that they should have in the beginning and it's a bunch harder at this point....or they can choose another drug of choice or they can go back to the original drug of choice.

I have a real dislike for the term "unrealistic expectations". It is easily confused with how much weight you will lose. After attending a seminar on WLS, I was told by a doctor that I should not expect to get back to the size you were when you married. What if that was only a couple of years ago? For me, that was like telling me "OK fat girl, you are different. You can only make a C on the test because we know that it is unrealistic for you to make an A." First of all you are dealing with the formerly obese who are broken down to a world of being "less than". Tell me that I am only capable of a C and that's what I'll get. Fortunately I didn't hear that until I had a few years of goal weight under my belt. I made a funny!!

Back to the suicide thing....so....if you decide to choose another drug of choice and it's actually drugs, you may very well O.D. If you go back to food and gain the weight back, the feeling of failure may be entirely too much to endure. After all you do it in front of your friends and family and EVERYONE knows you failed. You also might be one of those lucky ones that has a friend or family that will tell you "I told you it wouldn't work".

I believe so much that we have to get the word out about the addiction and next we must learn what it takes to overcome this disease. There is a phenomenal comment on the article about suicide. I'm sorry for the length of this post but there is just so much to share. Here's what a doctor said that (to me) said it all.

As I read these blogs, I am simply floored. Over the past 20 years I have likely conducted more pre-bariatric psychological evaluations (+2000) than any other psychologist that I am aware of. During this past 20 years I have had 2 bariatric patients attempt to take their lives with 0 deaths. I do not know if that makes me an expert, but I can probably be on safe ground being called “experienced in the field.”

First, I strongly believe that we, as a society, must “un-demonize” morbid obesity. To do so we must conceptualize morbid obesity for what it is, a brain-based neurological disorder. For too many years now we have approached morbid obesity as purely a psychiatric or psychological disorder, a lack of will power, or a flawed personality. Instead, we need to look at brain functioning. In the most simplistic terms, we develop “pathways” in our brains. These are very elegant sequences of neurons or brain cells firing in different areas of our brains. The more frequently that pathway is activated, the stronger and more easily it becomes for that pathway to continue firing. In morbid obesity, we have taken a very primitive and necessary pathway that is sometimes called a “primary drive” (hunger and satiation) and expanded into areas of emotional functioning wherein food takes on an emotional meaning or purpose. The pairing of a very powerful primary drive pathway with our equally powerful limbic or emotional pathways creates a very resilient and dysfunctional pathway which exists solely to perpetuate eating. we’re bombarded with advertisements which reinforce the continued firing of this pathway. Our brains have a lot of survival safety measures programmed in. To simply stop the eating creates an incredible level of anxiety and agitation in the morbidly obese individuals brain and often creates frantic attempts to restore food intake. The brain fully realizes that a disruption in food intake is not a superficial event but rather is a threat to its continued existence. Remember, historically, starvation has killed more of our species than any war or pestilence. We are the survivors. Our brains in particular are very sensitive to starvation. When our brain senses rapid weight loss it mobilizes its resources to do almost whatever is necessary to stop the weight loss and regain the weight. This is what makes dieting so difficult. Yo-yo dieting is the ongoing struggle between our physiology and our psychology. Obesity is therefore more in your brain than your belly. These dysfunctional pathways have a label in mental health, we call them “obsessive-compulsive disorders”. (If God were to grant me one wish, it would be to eradicate the obsessive-compulsive disorders from this world.) All obsessive-compulsive disorders (OCD’s) are anxiety or fear-based disorders. These OCD’s are again dysfunctional pathways. Remember however, fear feeds on itself. For example, if you fear not being loved, you do not have to experience rejection for that fear to grow. The simple experience or thought of that fear strengthens that pathway. Unfortunately therefore, this particular pathway feeds on itself and grows without encouragement.

Secondly, morbid obesity should be treated as a neurological disorder. Medications have their place but they will typically only serve to buy time. (Don’t let me undersell time though, it is one of our most precious commodities.) We should treat morbid obesity like we treat epilepsy or diabetes. As a multifaceted disorder, like epilepsy or diabetes, we should treat the medical, the psychological, and the neurological aspects simultaneously. To do any less is to guarantee failure. The prognosis for success is however quite good. Early identification is the key to successful treatment. Prior to the surgery the pre-bariatric candidate should be evaluated by a team of professionals including physicians, dieticians, and psychologists. If disorders of impulse control or judgment are identified, referral to the appropriate professional must occur. Rejection must not occur. After the surgery, the bariatric surgery patient must participate in follow-up services including at minimum individual or group therapy and support groups. Treatment must focus on changing not just physical and psychological functioning, but brain functioning. (Throughout our lives our brains our constantly revising, reinventing, and literally physically changing their structure to adapt to demands in our lives.) To do this, the bariatric patient must work with a professional skilled in changing both psychological and brain functioning. These are very treatable pathways and disorders. There should be individuals in your community with these skills.

When I read these accounts, it was obvious to me that many bariatric patient were not properly educated, evaluated and treated prior to their surgery and seemingly tossed to the winds post-surgically.

Does bariatric surgery work? Yes, it does but it must be approached with the utmost care, self-evaluation, and good judgment.

For any shortcomings stemming from psychology and neuropsychology, I would like to offer my apology.For those of you still out there “In the wind”, I would encourage you to contact a mental health professional skilled in working with pre and post bariatric surgery patients.

P.S. I don’t have a book published but after reading these blogs I’m thinking maybe I should. What do you think?
Gerard R. Williams Ph.D.
(810)630-1152
Clinical NeuropsychologistLicensed Psychologist
— Posted by Gerard R. Williams Ph.D.

OK, if this post isn't already long enough, I have to include my comment. So here it is:

Wow….I read in amazement one of the best discussions regarding WLS ever! I wanted to comment on nearly every post. Seven years ago I had weight loss surgery (gastric bypass) and I have been at goal weight since reaching it six years ago. It was a battle that I fought every inch of the way but in the process, I learned a great deal about what is REALLY going on because I live it every day. I have been a member of a large online support group for seven years. I did not have adequate after care… mostly due to the lack of it in 2001. By participating in the support group, I not only learned the very pitfalls of this disease but learned that by participating, I was keeping myself accountable to myself and others. This online group is the largest research study anyone could ask for… a living, breathing, group that grows in power and self education every day but has so much catching up to do.

You who say it is not an addiction have never walked in my obese shoes. An incredible description of addiction: Uncontrolled use despite negative consequences. That certainly described my obesity. I have some of the most profoundly addicted relatives on earth and my addiction was clearly food. The parallels are too numerous. As Mary Jo Rapini said, we are too much in a hurry to get the weight off and we’ll worry about everything else later because we assume the obesity is the only thing in our way. If you are not prepared for the reality that your brain must be fixed, you can crash…to the point of suicide. It’s not like you can just tell them and they are immediately OK. It takes time. You also have many in the field that have yet to even mention the word addiction. As to why after care is not required? There are many reasons. We don’t know to ask, or the doctor doesn’t know, or the insurance doesn’t pay for it. If it is due to lack of insurance coverage, we are all out of luck. It seems every day I hear about yet another company refusing coverage for even the weight loss surgery….even if it is deemed medically necessary.

Every time anyone remotely close to the WLS community hears the words “quick fix” they are repelled. I had RNY open surgery (cut me open) and was in the hospital for five days. As we are speaking about here, the change is extremely difficult and when left to our own devices, we flounder. This rarely constitutes a “quick fix”. Secondly, if I chose any method that takes me from 30 years of obesity to 6 years of goal weight, why does my method matter as long as I am healthy??? I no longer have high blood pressure, sleep apnea or back pain. As many know, it has cured their type 2 diabetes.

You will also offend us every time you say the “old fashioned way”. I am so incredibly impressed with anyone that does it without surgery. I am SO impressed! In fact I did it several times. The only time I was thin for any length of time was in college for 2 years. I STARVED MYSELF to death so I am so proud for anyone that could do it without surgery and keep it off… but I could not…and I tried EVERYTHING.

The other day I realized that I had a tough time picking up a 40 pound sack of bird food but I was expected to be willing to exercise with 130 extra pounds on me. Do this experiment and live in my shoes. For one week, strap on four thirty pound bags of dog food and do everything you have to do. After 30 years like that you’ll be ready to do ANYTHING to get it off…especially the easy way…if there were one.

Dr. Williams you are excellent! I wish there were way more around like you. I have often spoke and written about being one of those “in the wind” and the numbers lost are astounding!! There are a few of us trying with all our might to “pay it forward” to patients coming in behind us because of this exact situation. It is really difficult because we are just post-ops trying to help and many times even some of the professionals are standing in our way because we don’t have a piece of paper. I am beyond grateful for the professionals that consider us valuable. Mary Jo Rapini is one of them. Many long term post-ops certainly know enough from experience that the whole subject of bariatric medicine is vastly misunderstood…even by some of the professionals. What do I have to back this up? Every bit of this is viewable online…the sexual and shopping addiction shortly after being thin for the first time, the new problem with alcohol, the low self esteem issues that never seen to improve, the lack of knowledge about coping mechanisms, and always looking to the future for the happiness we cannot seem to catch. We look for the future to make us happy because we have not learned about living in the now.

Dr. Williams, I have saved your post and I hope you don’t mind if I share it. There are way more “in the wind” than you can imagine. I do know this…what we are doing is not getting the word out fast enough. How do we get everyone in “the know” on some simple basics? It took way too long to get the message out that the surgery is the smallest part of this journey and many don’t realize how much the brain is involved. The lack of education available for patients and pros is scary. As a post-op, I have a limited ability to spread the word. Three of us have started with a website but it is not near enough and there are thousands that need help. Thanks Dr. Williams!
Yvonne McCarthywww.rydobesity.com
— Posted by Yvonne McCarthy

Enough said on this one.....

Here's a video I did a couple of years ago to put on my profile at obesityhelp.com. It's called "Participating in Life". By the way..the sound you hear when my before picture is seen is a jail door closing. I thought it was more than appropriate.

How can I best help?

2008-06-03T16:12:00.000-07:00

Wow....I did a search on weight loss surgery and blogs and it's horribly confusing. Changing anyone's mind is probably nearly impossible....you know...the ones that have been blogging for months or years about the evils of WLS. Some of them are really mad. How very sad that they cannot step back from where it all went wrong and see their way to success. I have so much good info in my head to share with others to keep them from being one of those really angry post-ops.
So how can I best help?

I'm thinking all I can do is to share my experience.

I also can't imagine blogging for years against something evil. Why would you want to live that every single day and why would anyone read it? I guess they are stewing in the mess and can't break out of it. Perhaps it is the perfect example of a little thing called "The Hole in the Sidewalk". Here's my post from last year. This is from my blog on Obesityhelp.com where I have been a member for 7 years.

A hole in the sidewalk

I sometimes describe myself as being ADD but now I’m starting to realize I’m compulsive.

hmmm.

New label.

Old labels..fat, lazy, unclean, no willpower.

I started thinking about how I must have it perfect or not at all. That can be so debilitating. When I asked myself why it had to be perfect, it’s because I have to know where things are because it makes me crazy to look for something that I know I have and cannot find. Why? Because it’s hard for me to stay on course if something distracts me and looking through drawers, closets, whatever will distract me every time. I call them “kitties”. My mantra is “step away from the kitties!”

If you don’t understand yet let me explain it this way. I love cats…a bit too much. I plead insanity because they were my life when I was obese. I wanted someone to love me even being fat. I don’t care WHO you were, I knew you would love me better if I wasn’t fat. Even if it was because I was healthier, I knew that my obesity was the thing that stuck out for all the world to see!

Except the cats.

The cats thought I was their “everything”….and I was! Right now I’m crawling out of the hole in the sidewalk. Please read this from http://www.bariatricradio.com/

A HOLE IN THE SIDEWALK
Which Chapter Are You Living?
By John Jolliffe, MFT

You had Bariartic Surgery because you were sick and tired of sick and tired. You wanted a tool and Bariatric Surgery had demonstratable evidence of success. Like all relationships the challenge comes after the honeymoon where if you want to succeed you will learn to accommodate, compromise and make allowances with this new life partner. Post-operative patients are indeed married for life with a commitment that will mature over time. Plateaus, consumption failures, dumping and discomfort are just part of the learning curve. If you commit to a support group or more formal aftercare program, don’t panic or get ahead of the story, you will maximize your success and benefit from sustained weight loss and control.Remember change is really an exchange. Hopefully, you trade in your normal way of being in your world for a more efficient, more mature and managed quality of life.We maintain the radio broadcast known as Bariatricradio.com to guide you through the complexities of your commitment to health and a better quality of life for you and those you love.In my private practice, I often ask my clients to read Portia Nelson’s “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters,” requesting them to observe which chapter from the five listed best describes where they find themselves today. I find there is so much included for us to discuss in each chapter, brief as they may be. I decided to include the Five Chapters with this week’s article for your deliberation. Read it carefully, then call me and discuss what you discover about the maturity of your commitment. Which chapter best describes your life today?

Chapter 1
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in I am lost…I am helpless It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place But, it isn’t my fault.It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I see it is there.I still fall in…it’s a habit.My eyes are open. I know where I am.It is my fault.hadI get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.I walk around it.

Chapter 5
I walk down another street.

I had been pretty regularly doing chapter 4 and 5. Ha ha haaa. (wicked laugh) I have it whipped! I knew I was going to make it in this journey!

Then it happened.

Someone was removed from my life and I had no control over the situation and felt guilt over whatever I contributed to the outcome. The funk hit me like the old days….DAMN, I forgot how awful this feels. I remember in my brain…. but I had forgotten in my heart.

I won’t go into the details but it involved shoulder pain, trigger points, trigger point injections and it hurt so badly that I had to hit the couch…for days. I was in the “hole in the sidewalk” but I didn’t get out immediately. I even KNEW this but I still couldn’t get out.

I KNOW what I'll do!I’ll get on the message board and help someone, that always works.

This time it didn’t. I felt so incompetent that I didn’t dare try to answer someone's question or offer advice. What if I gave them wrong information? My next best strategy was to accept that I will come out of it but it might take more time than I am accustomed to allow for. This time I didn’t have a choice. It takes however much time it takes.

I tried doing yoga ….my shoulder said “NO”!Oh my God, if I don’t do yoga I’ll gain the weight back. I was in the hole and couldn’t see that yes.... I might gain back a few pounds.... but I will get them off when I get out of the hole in the sidewalk. I KNOW THAT. I believe that….but right now I’m in a hole! All I have to do is step out. I decided that I would do some things that were piled up…so many things to do. All I can do is start, so I did. Even though I am in pain, it felt better to get those things done. I was starting to get out of the hole. Today I made myself do yoga. I decided I would do the positions that didn’t involve my shoulder. I got out of the hole today. I know this because I’m here writing this.

My plan?

I’m walking to the next block so I can take a different street…knowing full well there will be days when I take this street again. I’ll walk right back down the wrong street and fall in the hole but next time I will be ready. I will be armed (no pun intended) with the experience I gained from the time spent in the hole in the sidewalk. Maybe I thought I’d never fall in the hole again but I will. Strategy will help so I will plan and do things to help deal with it. I hope to see you on the other street OK? hugs, Y

Who's taking up for WLS? Not many....

2008-05-27T12:23:00.000-07:00

Today I became Bariatric Girl and I'm gonna talk about.....

Weight loss surgery

The positive side.

First let's talk about who's fer it and who's agin' it?

Those of us that have had WLS are already aware of who's agin' it. Oprah has made it known that she's against it. Dr. Phil was until lately. Apparently his nephew had the surgery. Kudos to Dr. Phil for being open minded and not sabotaging it.

If you do a search you'll see scads of blogs exclaming the sheer evil of WLS. If you fail and you're really mad you can join discussion groups and talk about it all day long. There are several people that have made it their life's work....all they live for is to point out how horrible WLS is, reporting every positive report as a lie.

It's pretty much frowned upon by society....I mean I was obese for 30 years and now I'm not. I've been told that I took the easy way out and I didn't do it the old fashioned way. I'm not sure why it matters what method I used to get from 30 years of obesity to 6 years as a "normal" person. After trying everything else known to man, I could not get the extra hundred pounds I was carrying off. Well, I got them off but I couldn't keep them off....until surgery.

So here I am (Christmas 2000).

My mom had died a few months before and I was devastated. A few days after this picture was taken I heard about weight loss surgery and made an appointment....the first one I could get.

There's way more stuff in between then and now but let's just say it all worked out.

And here I am today:

Enjoying a life I never thought possible.

And I'm in touch with several thousand members on a website that had the same experience....

A positive one.

I know people have died...I am fortunate that I haven't known anyone.... except Alice.

She committed suicide because she couldn't get the surgery.

On top of everything else, I volunteer hours at a time on a website so that I can help the ones that come in behind.

There are reasons for most of us regarding our past obesity. I'm going to step right up and admit that I was a food addict. Yeah...for a couple of years after the surgery I was thinking I didn't eat that much. That's why it's a sign of addiction....that would be the denial part. I had major genetics working against me but that wasn't all of it.

So after a couple of years I saw the parallels of addiction in our behavior including our need for coping mechanisms. When you do something to the point that you hate yourself, it's addiction. A great description....

Uncontrolled use despite negative consequences.

You could have offered me a million dollars, you could have threatened my family's lives and I couldn't keep the weight off. For me, weight loss surgery was sort of like rehab. I got surgery that gave me a pretty much guaranteed chance to get on a level playing field with the "normal" people....if you follow the rules. If I could just have that...let me start over from scratch...I won't screw it up. Easier said than done but I did it.

You can do it too if you know how.

I have spent an outragious amount of time trying to pay it forward and I will continue so but I'm branching out. I want to make a difference and I want people to know that there are a lot of people just like me instead of seeing all the people that are just plain mad for a long list of reasons.

I believe a good part of success is how you treat your surgery. If you respect it, nurture it...you get a good result. If you disrespect it, unappreciate it...you will probably mess up. It's no free ride and it's certainly not the easy way out.

My WLS site is http://www.rydobesity.com/. RYD Obesity is made up of three people. RYD stands for Ramon, Yvonne and Debra....all three of us successful weight loss surgery patients. We met on obesityhelp.com. On May 2-4th of this year we put on an event that was incredible. This is the video we opened with. I had each person send their before and after pictures. It didn't matter if they had just started or were old timers like me.

So here's a start at the good side of weight loss surgery...

Bariatric Girl

Are you part of the solution or part of the problem?

The Bridge

Connie, Rosemary, and Dr. Garth Davis on Houston TV!

You could have picked me up off the floor!

A day that will live in history for the WLSFA

An illusion and another face of cross addiction

WLS Peeps need your vote!

Can I be reincarnated as my dog?

Walk around the puddle of mud

Connie's Miracle and Remembering Alice

What did I ask for? Oops..it's exactly what I got.

Beating Regain. Gina Getting to Goal 9 years later

Do you want to be happy or perfect? Stop toxic shame.

Two New Posts! Click on the links below.

Thanksgiving and a new beginning...

A brand new blog on bariatricgirl.com!

Give your review on WLS!

Surviving to Thriving! You've got to see this!

You've lost the weight, why aren't you happy?

Inspirational posts from post-ops

Forgiving the Fat Girl

Out of tragedy came a miracle

Long overdue! Part 2 Obesity Help Costa Mesa Event

Let go...see opportunity in all things!

Unconditional Love

Is it Kind, True and Necessary?

Dealing with regain and enjoying the OH Costa Mesa Event

Calling all WLS peeps! Need your help!

Discussing scales and regain

Are you an anchor or a motor?

More Musings from a Post-op January 2010

Musings of a post-op - January 2010

Featured on Diva Taunia's Backstage Pass

In Oprah's Corn Dog Defense

Obesity Help Event Dallas 2009

A little cat humor

Giving Oprah a weight loss surgery break.

Ms. Fatty.com interviewed me!

Stopping the unwanted comments effectively

Toxic Trauma Drama at the WLS Ranch

Ramon Lopez - another life saved by WLS.

What others think about us is none of our business

The WLS Channel adds the WLS News!

Obesity Help Los Angeles - Celebrating Ten Years

The Weight Loss Surgery Channel Launches!!

When I was obese....

Following my Bliss...

The Biggest Loser

Spent the morning with Granny Whiddon’s Angel Trumpets …if she could see me now.

Unrealistic Expectations?? Is that fair??

Without WLS this would have never happened!

Moderation in all things....BALANCE!

Letter to my fat self...just before surgery.

Can this really change your life? Yes!!

I could have been in People Magazine...like 20 times!

Addiction! Pay attention...

Suicide after weight loss surgery

How can I best help?

Who's taking up for WLS? Not many....